School Avoidance

[SimplyBeing]

Does anyone have experience with his or her child with BPD traits avoiding school?  Our teen is 16 (nearly 17) and has a long history of school avoidance with limited genuine reasons being found through therapy and school interventions.

We have had many meetings with school administration and PHP therapists but we cannot find a way to have her return to school short of an ultimatum.  If we give an ultimatum we are afraid that she will act out again (claiming to be suicidal) only to return to the hospital.   We cannot afford online classes for her and we are unsure if she is able to get a job.

Does anyone have experience with similar situations with their teen BPD?  What did you do?

Thanks for your insight and assistance.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Yepanotherone]

My BPD17 DD hates high school . She Started hating school in 10th grade when we moved across state and she had to try and fit in to a new high school , with no friends . She was very lonely and as her mental health deteriorated so did her motivation to attend school . Our district offered  an online school program and she’s been doing that Since the beginning of 11th grade . The virtual school system that our school district bought into is the Florida virtual school and is a pretty effective and well established online school environment... There is a campus within a local career development center  that my DD can attend , she tries to go in at least 3 times a week as she does tend to get more done there than working from home . There are computers etc there and  There is actually a school principal , a maths teacher and a school guidance counselor based  on site on this campus , they are there to keep the kids on track , monitor that they are doing what they are supposed to do , and they offer support and guidance , so the kids aren’t exclusively online .
So far , it’s working out ok .it offers the flexibility that the traditional Bricks and mortar school did not offer eg during hospitalizations , my DD wouldn’t be missing any schoolwork and have “ make up “ work to do , she would merely pick up from where she left off . She does a couple of subjects at a time rather than being overwhelmed with too many subjects . Its taken the stress out of school for her . She does tend to abuse the flexibility though , isn’t particularly self motivated , and it is going to take longer for her to get her diploma as she moves through her modules at a snails pace !
I do believe though that had she not been given this option , she would most definitely have dropped out of school completely . The fights when getting her up early in the morning and taking her into the traditional school were very stressful on our relationship .
While I’d far rather she had stayed in the traditional school setting for the structure it offered her as well as the regular high school experiences , it just was t working out . I had the choice of either forcing her into school every day and risk her just quitting completely while watching her mental health just get worse versus allowing her to try the online school environment.

Our school district also offered another alternative to the standard high school that differed from the traditional “ credits “ and the standard 7am to 2pm five days a week , but my DD again didn’t want to commit to still having to attend a “ daily “ program .

Maybe you could look into other options that are on offer within your school district?

[SimplyBeing]

Thank you.  We've been in repeated conversations with the school district.  Unfortunately the only online school options that they have are at a cost and we do not have that financing at this time -- especially between hospital bills and other costs.   

I'm curious about another thing, have you caught your DD doing anything like stealing?  If so, how have you handled it?  How do you handle giving punishments or corrections without him/her breaking down, shutting down or making threats?  This has also been a challenge for us as she lies and steals and lies about stealing (although we catch her afterwards).  How have you responded to these types of situations?

Thanks.