first Christmas understanding BPD

[Lakebreeze]

So every Christmas since uBPDh and I have been married has been more or less if a disaster, always leaving me feeling hurt, confused and horribly guilty.
But this is the first Holiday season since I started learning about BPD and working on my own care taking issues.  I really want this Christmas to be different. I know I can't change my husband and I certainly can not give him or make him have a good Christmas like I have tried to in the past. But I'm excited to at least make a point of enjoying the holidays myself, regardless of my husband's moods, comments or rages. Christmas is a particularly hard time for him though. His rough season started about a week ago, going off about everything and being in a generally rotten mood. Then he found out he was scheduled to work Christmas Eve and Christmas day and now he is irate. And yet it's sort of a relief for me to find out that I will get a break from him on Christmas and get to enjoy part of the day without him.
So all my veteran non BPDs... .what are you tips and tricks for surviving and even enjoying the holidays inspire of the BPD?
Thanks all!

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[once removed]

i had to work once on christmas eve and christmas day. i found it really depressing and it made me feel isolated.

finding ways to include him, make him feel a part of something, could help, as well as potentially reshape how he experiences the holidays.

are there any openings for you to do that?

[Tattered Heart]

This will also be my first Christmas navigating Christmas while actively working on myself. I posted a thread about focusing on a specific skill for the holidays Christmas Cheer . Perhaps you could add to it as you work through some of this.

I'm attempting 2 new things compared to last year: compromise and validating that my H has different ideas and beliefs about Christmas than me.

I can imagine your H is feeling sad that he can't be involved in the festivities. How can you support him in this?

[Lakebreeze]

I worked as an RN many a Christmas as well so I do have a level of understanding. Now I am a stay-at-home mom to our your kids. So I try to be really sympathetic while tiptoeing around lots of other related land mine issues.
Thanks Tattered Heart for the link to Christmas Cheer, lots of great info over there! Exactly what I was after too.

[Radcliff]

Hi Lakebreeze, ouch, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, that's hard.  But I like that you see the opportunity as well as the pitfalls.  What activities do you think would be best to do when he's away and what activities do you want to plan for him to be there for?  :)o you have an idea about what activities are important to him and which one's he doesn't care about?  Also, feel good that you're ahead of the game compared to last year.  Just knowing it will be tough for him, and getting ready to do some extra validation, etc. puts you in better shape this year.

WW