A Family Christmas Letter

[Yorky]

Happy Christmas Everyone and wishing you a fantastic New Year . Thank you one and all for your lovely Christmas letters, so wonderful to hear your news and good tidings.

We too have had an eventful year watching our daughter disintegrate in front of our eyes. After a few rough years She was finally provided with a diagnosis of BPD. This brought  a mix of feelings; relief that now there was something to explain , and complete horror , the horror that every piece of information tells us that we had abused our child, our child who was always cherished and loved.  Meanwhile our daughter now believes she was emotionally abused And believes her whole life was a lie.

Our treasured daughter , unique and funny  has become lost. her self Hatred, shame and guilt is all consuming. There is no joy for her in this world . She says 2018 will be her year, her year to end her life. Happy New Year one and all!.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[No-One]

Hi Yorky:
I'm so very sorry about your situation with your daughter

We too have had an eventful year watching our daughter disintegrate in front of our eyes. After a few rough years She was finally provided with a diagnosis of BPD. This brought  a mix of feelings; relief that now there was something to explain , and complete horror , the horror that every piece of information tells us that we had abused our child, our child who was always cherished and loved.

 

Rest assured that abuse is only one possible situation with BPD.  There are many other scenarios.  BPD rarely stands alone, and everyone with a BPD diagnosis has a little different situation in regard to symptoms and possible root causes. 

People with BPD typically are struggling with other forms of mental illness.  Some common ones are: depression, anxiety, bipolar, ADHD, OCD and others.  In some instances, there can be genetic traits or neurological conditions that can be passed on.

A lot of people with mental illness go undiagnosed and/or untreated.  Sometimes, if we think about it, we can pinpoint someone on one side of the family, or the other, who shows some sign of instability (i.e. relationship problems, drug or alcohol abuse, difficult to get along with). 

If you go to the "Parenting Board", you will see others with similar circumstances.  They have been loving and supportive parents (no abuse).  Unfortunately, you can't love away mental illness.

It could be helpful to seek your own therapy, with someone who understands BPD.  It's not your fault. A qualified therapist could help you realize that, at this most difficult time.

Best Wishes.

[Radcliff]

Hello Yorky, I am sorry that you are living with BPD, but am glad you found us.  This is a good community.  You are not alone; many here have had similar experiences, and can offer support and advice.

Let me second No-one's statement that BPD can arise when there has been no abuse at all.  As a parent, I understand how natural it is to feel responsible for our children, but I am hoping that with the support you can receive from others here you can let go of any feeling of responsibility for the illness and build some hope for the future.

A diagnosis can be intimidating but also represent opportunity for positive change.  bpdfamily has a page on Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder that I think you would find helpful.  If you want more info on treatment, I have more links, but don't want to overwhelm you with everything all at once.  Just ask if you'd like to hear more, particularly about DBT, the most promising treatment.  Have you had a chance to explore treatment options?

bpdfamily has several useful resources for learning about suicide threats.  Two places to start are this page on suicide ideation in others and this page on how to respond to frequent suicide threats.

Can you tell us how old your daughter is?  That would help us guide you to some resources.

WW

[mggt]

Hello,  I sit here crying reading this , having such a bad day with dd.  I am also chuckling to myself outloud about those family xmas letters.  That say how wonderful everyone is including little joey and suzi how they are wonderful and perfect they are.  It enrages me to hear that BPD is from neglect as parents abuse of any kind.  In my humble opinon it is a brain diosrder they were born that way and it is all inherited somehow.  I wish the mental health system would put all the research into the brain.  Not blaming the parents .  So to all you wonderlful moms and dads out there I wish you a heartfelt and loving Merry Christmas and god help our children and us.