Setting boundaries

[Bellelv]

My 26 year old son has been diagnosed with bad and strongly shows traits and behavior. We are back living in the same house after years of me trying to set him up in a living situation independent of me... .partly in a selfish solution so that I could enjoy these years of my life. I have been and still am parenting alone after his father passed away when my son was 5 years old. My question for now is how can I put a stop to his drinking of alcohol which he seems to be doing more and more. He becomes more obnoxious and unreasonable when he drinks. I hesitate to say too much to stop him drinking as he threatens suicide or going to live on the streets. I can't take much more stress and am working long hours and end up spending so much of my income to pay for things to keep him happy. I want things to change so much and shamefully sometimes think if he did take his life maybe it might be for the best... .after scores of threats I am pretty sure he never would. I live in new Zealand and the mental health system offers little support. I love him so much but at the same time i want to run away. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Could I leave him to fend for himself? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[heartandwhole]

Hi Bellelv,



I'd like to welcome you to the community. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling stressed with your son in the house. I can understand you not wanting him to drink too much alcohol, and I think you are on the right track thinking that boundaries are in order. The harder question is how ready are you to enforce what you decide is out of bounds?

We'll walk with you through this.    Members here understand how challenging it can be to love someone with BPD/traits. The site also has a lot of communication tools that can help a lot.

Is your son currently in treatment, Bellelv? Do you have a support system of friends and family, and/or a therapist whom you can lean on during the tough times?

Keep posting and sharing. You are not alone in your feelings. We're here for you.

heartandwhole