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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Man I wish I could go NC  (Read 513 times)
TurbanCowboy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 92


« on: December 28, 2017, 10:59:59 PM »

I’m currently separated from uBPDw, we have a 5 year old boy. Divorce won’t be final till next Xmas.  My wife already has the replacement, she is now seeing the “light” with him which is hilarious after she poisoned our relationship with her abandonment fears for much of 10 years.

I honestly am disgusted with her and don’t trust her any further than I could throw her. I am no longer trying to save the marriage. The new guy appears to be a classic NPD who I called out and he of course can’t for the life of him see how innappropriate this is. I have learned he has two failed marriages in the last 6 years, neither of which lasted two years. The whole thing makes me want to vomit.

I did a great job of ignoring my wife for the past 5 days but today we were supposed to meet up so she could see our son before I go away with him tomorrow for a few days. She’s been spending a lot of time with the replacement this month but I’m going to be seeing him a lot less once I get back as the separation agreement kicks in. We ended up having an unproductive back forth that went south with me going after her over the boyfriend and her telling me to move on.

My wife is trying to control me and dictate terms with how we handle our son. I know she’s going to play games with me in an effort to use me as a source of supply for her BS and I want it directed at the NPD prick who assisted in screwing up my marriage by validating her immaturity. I don’t want to communicate with her at all if it’s going to keep the honeymoon alive.

The good and bad news is that I’ll only have my son every other weekend in 2018. The bad news is that I’m not with my boy, the good news is I shouldn’t have to interact with her that much because of it. My goal is to have joint physical in a few years.

I know it should be about my son and that’s it, but the marriage is only just ending and I seriously seriously hate this new guy she is with.

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Turkish
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12183


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2017, 01:29:59 AM »

What's the story on every other weekend custody, is it set for now? How is your relationship with your boy? Your r/s with him is the only thing you can control.

I get your pain. The mother of our kids introduced them to her paramour too soon after she moved out and it caused problems with the kids.  I don't think he is NPD, but certainly narcissistic.

Focus on your r/s with your son.  He knows who his father is.
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