Theft

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi there, I'm new to the group so if this topic has been covered elsewhere I'm sorry to repeat. 
We have known for years that our d has a tendency to "take" things she wants from us and we have confronted her numerous times.  We now have cameras in our house and I have 100% proof she took money out of my wallet today.  The thing is she lies, denies and it causes a huge blowup.  I have been trying to avoid situations like these lately and I feel stuck as to what to do with this information. 
Do I just start locking up my purse?  (We also have recently installed a lock on one of our rooms so she can't take the stuff in there). Do I say something knowing she will just lie, but then at least she'll know I know?  If I do start locking my purse up then what next?  Will our whole house end up being in that room?  Is this common for people with BPD?
Thanks in advance

[IBBUGGIN]

Hi there, I'm new to the group so if this topic has been covered elsewhere I'm sorry to repeat. 
We have known for years that our d has a tendency to "take" things she wants from us and we have confronted her numerous times.  We now have cameras in our house and I have 100% proof she took money out of my wallet today.  The thing is she lies, denies and it causes a huge blowup.  I have been trying to avoid situations like these lately and I feel stuck as to what to do with this information. 
Do I just start locking up my purse?  (We also have recently installed a lock on one of our rooms so she can't take the stuff in there). Do I say something knowing she will just lie, but then at least she'll know I know?  If I do start locking my purse up then what next?  Will our whole house end up being in that room?  Is this common for people with BPD?
Thanks in advance

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[heartandwhole]

Hi IBBUGGIN,



I’m sorry to hear that your daughter has been stealing from you. That is a difficult situation to be in, and I understand your questioning the best approach to take.

You have found a great place for support, so I’m glad you reached out, it really helps to share what you are going through. You are not alone— members here have experienced similar situations and understand the challenges.

First off, how old is your daughter? Has she been diagnosed with BPD?

Tell us a little of what else you have been dealing with, when you can. We’re here to support you. 

heartandwhole

[IBBUGGIN]

Thank you for your response.  :) is 16, we have had discipline issues with her for years that have gotten worse and worse.  2 years ago we started down the road for help.  Started with going to counselling, which is a wonderful service but she didn't want to participate and lied with such ease even her fist councillor was "amazed".  She started skipping school more and more frequently to the point that we went back to her family dr and asked for more help.  We were then referred to a psychiatrist.  
She has threatened suicide,  she has cut and seems to have an eating adversion.  After finally getting in to see the psychiatrist she was diagnosed with ADHD, depression causing anxiety, self harm... etc.  
A little over 2 months ago she was admitted to the adolescent psych ward and stayed 3 weeks.  We were started down the road to be able to have the tools we needed on our end as well as hers to be able to cope.
It has now been a little over a month since her hospital stay and things have almost completely reverted back to pre hospital.  Things started going missing (little things of nothige monetary value) things that if asked I would 90% of the time say she could of borrowed or used.  When asked if she had for example "a sweater" I wear as part of my work wardrobe she would swear up and down she didn't have.  Turns out she had it stuffed in her bag.  And yes I know that sounds so little but when it's on a daily basis it gets frustrating and honestly I think the lying was/is the worse part.
We decided to put cameras up in our house for security and so we can keep track of what was going on whi,e we weren't home. (We also have a younger child that we wanted to make sure was safe) we put a lock on the door to the room where most of the things were being taken from.  And we have confronted her in the past about money going missing.  
Ugh, sorry for the long response... .

I should also add that I've been reading up on BPD and so many things fit with her, that's how I ended up here.

[heartandwhole]

We were started down the road to be able to have the tools we needed on our end as well as hers to be able to cope.
It has now been a little over a month since her hospital stay and things have almost completely reverted back to pre hospital.  

What kind of tools were you learning?

We have some excellent ones to check out on the right sidebar ----------->

It can be so difficult to stay on track when things revert back to drama and chaos.

Are you and your husband seeing a therapist just for you?
That can be very helpful, too.

heartandwhole