I love my daughter but I’m so tiered of her vomiting her anger at me

[Momsplit]

My daughter has never been diagnosed with BPD but as I read the definitions on this website the  pieces  of the puzzle seem very familiar.
It is very scary for me to define her as BPD but I am so tiered of the roller coaster she puts me on. Between loving me and ripping me apart with messages of ___ you, you ___ing ___ . I hate you.
She has a problem with alcohol until she fell down a flight of stairs and broke her face. She had reconstruction surgery and I don’t think she gets drunk anymore. I am going through a very hard time myself and she is so angry at me that she makes it so much harder. By now I just  lie and tell her everything’s ok because she just lashes out at me and tells me I am the parent and how dare I make her worry. It makes me wonder how she would behave if I cancer.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomMae]

Hello Momsplit,

Welcome to the parent's forum - we are so glad you found us, though very sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.  The first thing for you to know is that you are not alone in this difficult journey.  Everyone here is walking or has walked a similar dark path and totally understands the place of intermingled love and excruciating emotional pain you are coming from.

If you are comfortable, can you tell us a little more about your situation?  How old is your daughter and does she still live at home with you?  You mention that you are also going through your own difficult time as well as dealing with your daughter's behaviours.  Are you practicing self-care?  As they often say on this board, it is vital that you put your own oxygen mask on first... .

If you haven't already done so, a good place to start on this site is perusing the tools and lessons on the right hand side of this page    Personally, I have found the resources and people on this board to be invaluable in helping me help my own BPD DD21 as well as myself.  For me, it was a matter of realizing I wasn't alone and radical acceptance that allowed me to change my approach with my DD and move forward to a much better place than we were 9 months ago when I found this forum.

You have come to the right place for empathy and understanding, Momsplit.  Please keep posting, it really does help.    MomMae