What to do now?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi  BPD Family,


I feel I am going insane and would love another perspective.

After over two years of push/pull, rages, blames and utter pain I decided to give it the last shot and try couple's therapy.
So far we had 4 sessions and last week our counsellor asked to see us separately in order to get to the bottom of it.
After hearing me alone she thought that the relationship is very unhealthy and very damaging to me. Well, I knew that. She suggested that I set a date for my exit in my own head if things do not change for the better and in the mean try to give everything that he is asking for, without reacting to his rages, accusations, validating his feelings and putting my own feelings and needs aside. Not forever, just for a month or so, so we could see if him feeling totally validated he would start to change his behaviour.
I agreed to try this approach.
But now I am not sure I can... .I feel so resentful towards him.
This is what happened last night.
I was sitting on the sofa reading something on my iPad. My H was sitting on another sofa doing something on his laptop. Our dog was laying down next to him.
My H said to me "look what our dog is doing". I lifted my head, glanced over, saw the dog sniffing the sofa, thought not much of it and turned back to reading. He got upset that I did not care enough to look properly. Glancing over is not enough... .He accused me of not caring what is going on around and only caring about myself.
And this is not the first time this issue appears. He needs my attention there and then no matter what I am doing and if I don't drop everything and run to look, he feels I am not interested and I am selfish. Knowing this, I always try to look when called but this time round 'a glance' was not enough. He had a problem with my interest level.
I apologies but that was not good enough either. He then told me that my apology is not sincere because I don't believe that I have done anything wrong and only doing it to keep the peace... .
This morning he continued to lecture me how self centered I am because I did not pay attention to the dog.
I left for work feeling so hurt. I don't think I can do this any longer. The harder I try, the more faults he finds... .
What do I do now? Do my best and stick to the counsellors suggestion swallowing up my hurt, ludicrous accusations and keep validating him?
Or shall I save me more hurt and more resentment and walk out?
I feel like I am going crazy.

[RisingFromAshes]

Hi  BPD Family,


I feel I am going insane and would love another perspective.

After over two years of push/pull, rages, blames and utter pain I decided to give it the last shot and try couple's therapy.
So far we had 4 sessions and last week our counsellor asked to see us separately in order to get to the bottom of it.
After hearing me alone she thought that the relationship is very unhealthy and very damaging to me. Well, I knew that. She suggested that I set a date for my exit in my own head if things do not change for the better and in the mean try to give everything that he is asking for, without reacting to his rages, accusations, validating his feelings and putting my own feelings and needs aside. Not forever, just for a month or so, so we could see if him feeling totally validated he would start to change his behaviour.
I agreed to try this approach.
But now I am not sure I can... .I feel so resentful towards him.
This is what happened last night.
I was sitting on the sofa reading something on my iPad. My H was sitting on another sofa doing something on his laptop. Our dog was laying down next to him.
My H said to me "look what our dog is doing". I lifted my head, glanced over, saw the dog sniffing the sofa, thought not much of it and turned back to reading. He got upset that I did not care enough to look properly. Glancing over is not enough... .He accused me of not caring what is going on around and only caring about myself.
And this is not the first time this issue appears. He needs my attention there and then no matter what I am doing and if I don't drop everything and run to look, he feels I am not interested and I am selfish. Knowing this, I always try to look when called but this time round 'a glance' was not enough. He had a problem with my interest level.
I apologies but that was not good enough either. He then told me that my apology is not sincere because I don't believe that I have done anything wrong and only doing it to keep the peace... .
This morning he continued to lecture me how self centered I am because I did not pay attention to the dog.
I left for work feeling so hurt. I don't think I can do this any longer. The harder I try, the more faults he finds... .
What do I do now? Do my best and stick to the counsellors suggestion swallowing up my hurt, ludicrous accusations and keep validating him?
Or shall I save me more hurt and more resentment and walk out?
I feel like I am going crazy.

[happendtome]

How long you knew him before you got married? Was there any red flags before? Did anyone warned you about him? When and why your last relationship ended before this relationship? If you go through these questions then you will know what to do next.

PS. who changed my gender here? Im male not female

[RisingFromAshes]

How long you knew him before you got married? Was there any red flags before? Did anyone warned you about him? When and why your last relationship ended before this relationship? If you go through these questions then you will know what to do next.

PS. who changed my gender here? Im male not female

We got married 8 months later after meeting. 6 months of those 8 I lived in another country. There were lots of red flags which I ignored. He played a victim and I came back to rescue... .Now of course I know better.
My last relationship before that lasted 10 years and he was an amazing man and my best friend but it was just that - best friend... .

[happendtome]

That man sounds like my replacement. He probably has criminal record too There are similarities, you can read my posts or if you want to ask something specifically then you can PM. My ex also married him after she had known him only little bit more than 1 year.