I wish it taught me how to respond better and how to spot traps.
Pausing before responding is a great habit.
Also, now that you understand many of your communication styles and habits are "bad" for a pwBPD... .be honest and authentic.
"I hear you... .I'm at a loss for words at the moment. Let me take break and reflect on this conversation."
Usually it's not so much "what" you say but that you "slow down the train". Especially if they are building towards a dysregulation.
The propose line above has several advantages. You can be honest when you say it. You validate them as a person by letting them know you hear them. You own the break and let them know you will be thinking of them and working on communicating back.
You will be shocked how often you come back in a few hours and ask if they want to talk more and they are like "about what... ?"
At that point, especially if what was said was in a highly emotional time, best to let it stay in the past. Figure out a way to address it proactively for the future in a a separate future conversation, without referencing some past wacky stuff they have said. (we can work on examples later).
Last thought: You will never be a success with a pwBPD by "memorizing" lines. That will help in the
short run. Long term focus on understanding by those memorized lines actually work.
FF
