Millennial daughter who suffered RAD and nows fits BPD description

[ThisMakesNoSense]

Hello all!

I am the mother of a millennial who I believe can be described as BPD, and I am looking for information and advice.

My daughter is adopted, spent her first 3 years in an extremely abusive alcoholic family, and then another two in an orphanage. My husband and I adopted her at age 5. She had reactive attachment disorder. With the help of therapy, we thought she'd learned to trust and accept the love we offered (over the course of many years).

Then, last year, she reconnected with her birth family, and all the RAD symptoms came roaring back, but as they would in an adult. Her behavior sounds a lot like BPD. And I've read that "BPD is reactive attachment disorder all grown up."

She has estranged herself from us (as well as her birth family), and rejects all attempts on our part to reconnect.

We adopted another little girl (who had not suffered abuse) at the same time from the same orphanage. This younger, second daughter formed normal, strong emotional bonds with us. Our BPD(?) daughter has estranged herself from her sister as well, which has been pretty hard on her.

I'm slowly making my way through all of the highly informative articles on BPD sites, but any additional information/advice would be greatly appreciated--particularly from those who suffered unwanted estrangement and managed a successful reconciliation.

Thanks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

ThisMakesNoSense, welcome to the board. I'm so sorry to read the difficulties you are experiencing right now. Having a child with mental health issues can be very taxing to say the least. I myself have never heard BPD described as RAD all grown up. As you navigate your way aroung the board I hope you will take some time to read the lessons at the right. I can't imagine how painful it must be to have your child turn away and not connect with you. My daughter is 35 and in all those years she has only not lived with me for 2. Good or bad, doesn't matter, it just was. I hope that you will continue to post, share your feelings and take in the support of us other parents.

[Merlot]

Hi ThisMakesNoSense

I join bluek9 in welcoming you to the bpdfamily.  I too am so sorry to hear what you are going through, in particular as your commitment to adopt and seek early intervention for your daughter to ensure, as far as possible, a healthy outcome shows nothing but compassion and love.

It is so extremely hurtful for our children to turn their backs on us, and this must be so difficult for your other daughter too, especially to safeguard her while you are hurting yourself.  I too am new to the board and have recently had my DD27 cut us out of her life taking my granddaughter with her, so I understand your pain. 

There is a wealth of information to the right    and a wonderful thread on the board about ":)etaching with love" 

Hang in there, it's great first step that you joined us here... .we know and understand and are here to support you. 

Merlot