Divorce and Custody Court Update

[Panshekay]

Moderator note This is a continuation of the following thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=318161.msg12935197#msg12935197

Well here we are almost 3 months later... .many things have happened and many things haven’t happened. Let me start by saying how disturbed I am over the lies that are told in the court room by attorneys. Flat out lies.  Sitting in a court room listening to x DIL att lie is a test of strength for me.  I literally want to scream, and much much more... .

Judge had stated 50/50 visitation ASAP.  We are pretty close to the 3 month mark. Our S just started to get our GS Friday after school through Monday morning. This has happened twice now. The saddest, most difficult part is what x DIL has done to GS. Things have definitely ramped up since court order T has tried to increase S time with GS. Keep in mind GS is 7. Our S goes to school to pick him up, he is met with a boy who is screaming at the top of his lungs, crying  “you are nothing but a liar, you choked my mother and beat her, I hate you, you dragged my sister down the hall and hurt her (remember, I was there for the last visit, that didn’t happen) and then, FU” and he flips him off.  Last week the school  actually had to put GS is a wheel chair, hold him in it and push him to our S while he screamed “I don’t want to go with you”.  

In the last month GS  has been  expelled from school  2 x for choking or threatening to hurt other children. Last week he threatened school T stating he was going to take her scissors and cut up everything in her office. That won him a 3 hour school day until his behavior improves. Principal met with S and said bad behavior started Dec 1st when he was being hidden by mom. He also said “ I have never seen a child who is more of a master manipulator then your S, and we are very concerned. GS also tries to constantly run away from school the days he is to see our son.

Last week our S went to pick him up and was met by... .yes, DHS. This makes the 20th false allegation in a little over 2 years. GS had a bruise on his arm and told every adult in school that his dad did it and hurts him. School called DHS. DHS worker was new, but said she felt GS was being coached. She said she had read some of the other reports.  That allegation was closed days later as “unfounded”

There have been blessings though.
Court ordered T has DX xdil with... .BPD!  T knows who Dr Childress is, she has watched Dorcy Pruters webinars, she cares!  She met with GS school last week and the principal stated, he sees xdil is the problem, but the others who work at the school have drank the koolaid. She spoke with DHS, they see it for what it really is!  But it’s very slow going.

Yesterday S had to go back to court, they aren’t even divorced yet!  Xdil wanted more child support, I guess getting 750.00 SPOUSAL support a month isn’t enough. She also claimed judge never said 50/50 visitation, and she wanted our S to have 2 days a week for 2 hours. I wish you could have seen the  judges face, he was quite miffed over the fact that she was asking for more child support. It was actually comical... .in the end child support ended up being a wash, S Att had missed putting in the court documents that S was still paying for daycare!  :)oesn’t matter that xdil isn’t letting him attend, our S is still paying for it.

So his x was going to have to pay our S child support!  Judge asked if our S wanted that (it’s like 50.00 a month) he said no... .so no one pays any child support for now.  Next our S Att states that court ordered T wants to testify about our S getting more visitation, T had several options for judge to hear... .xdil att freaked out over that one saying she was biased and shouldn’t be allowed to make that determination. Judge said, she is the Reunification counselor, of course she is going to make that determination.  Time was up, so judge told T to call him with what she wanted to do with the visitation sch. Xdil att is very animated with his emotions. The faces he made were hilarious, but my favorite was when my xdil finally realized what had exactly happened. She took our S back to court for more child support and wanted Son to have less visitation time. Her greediness got her the exact opposite. PRICELESS!  

Looks like the sun, stars and planets are all lining up... .of course we know this is far from over... .BUT I see a lot of hope and change in our future, and to be honest most likely more DHS complaints, and  police reports.  This is all about saving my GS from a mentally unstable mother who is destroying him... .it’s been a long nightmare.  Enough is enough.

[formflier]

I remain cautiously optimistic about your story.

Did the actual visitation schedule get put in the court order this time?  I remain mystified as to how there can be a debate about if the judge said 50/50 or not.

Did that get put in the written order?

Did your S attorney make sure it got put in there this time?

Did your S attorney make sure there is an enforcement/consequence clause in there that says something to the effect that if the ex doesn't do X consequence Y will happen (without having to come back for another ruling... .)

FF

[ForeverDad]

FF has good questions.  It's about time for the wild claims to stop flying around.  Oh well, there will always be a next time.  I'm still hoping son gets at least a week without mother's influence and monitoring, let the T (and school) monitor how it goes when the dad has more than brief parenting.  Maybe give S at least the tail end of Spring Break week, according to the school's schedule, and then the first week back in school.  I bet the kid will be much calmer.

The DHS closed the case as 'unfounded'.  That is amazing, most favorable outcomes are the typical neutral 'unsubstantiated'.

Didn't the judge order her not to make more allegations?  Oh, right, she didn't, she just prepped the boy to complain to the school and the school did the reporting.

How interesting that time ran out before they got around to asking reunification T what she would do next.  Besides, this hearing was about CS, apparently not the other matters.

Just thinking ahead... .S is not 'allowed' to go to the before/after school daycare?  My concern is that if son gets an entire exclusive week and GS goes to daycare, then xDIL would surely go there to 'comfort' GS.  So if son does have GS go to daycare on time assigned to him, then xDIL should be told to stay away if not her parenting time, reciprocating her insistence he doesn't go on her time.

[Panshekay]

 FF, yes, it was in the original agreement and this one. Her attorney is a liar and money hungry, he has a cash cow (her bf is paying for it) and is taking advantage of it. There is no integrity in the court room. He lied more times than he told the truth. No, there aren’t consequenes, other than the judge said if you don’t stop you will lose custody. The T speaks to the judge tomorrow. So let’s see what happens. If S gets a block of time  with GS mother will not be allowed to call or be at the school for anything. FD, since GS is so out of control with behavior at school after school care doesn’t feel it would benefit him to go there currently, his bad behavior would just continue. If S gets a large chuck of uninterrupted time we are hoping everyone will see the difference AND see where the problem is. Agree, she has mandatory reporters do her dirty work... .in fact she was with GS personal C when DHS called her... .she played it as if she was shocked, C didn’t buy it, although she doesn’t seem to see DIL yet for what she really is.

[Panda39]

Hi Panshekay,

It's great to hear from you and get an update... .lots going on!

Yay! 50/50 custody!  Hopefully that upward trend will continue.  I'm so sorry your GS is struggling so much, his mom I'm sure is upping the pressure on him  ... .so sad... .so hard to watch. His acting out is a scream for help and it sounds like he's getting it through more time separated from mom and more time with dad. The tide is turning for your S & GS.  Your DIL's behaviors are being seen as detrimental to your GS finally.

Here is some info on raising resilient kids you might have already seen it but I thought it might be helpful for your son... .
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=182254.msg1331459#msg1331459

Keep us posted, I like where your story is going 

Panda39

[formflier]

FF, yes, it was in the original agreement and this one. 

OK... .so... .we see what the T says to judge... .

What does the lawyer say (yours) about how many times the judges order gets violated... blatantly... .almost like thumbing their nose at judge... .before a motion to compel is filed.

Or at least some sort of on the record testimony that judge ordered X... .X hasn't happened.  The Dad tries to get X to happen.  The Mom denies X from happening.   

It really is that clear... .right?

FF

[Panshekay]

FF, the judge seems to have great empathy for X... .I think he would like for her to get help. He told her during the divorce hearing to get help... .she is seeing a unlicensed church counselor. In the mean time our GS continues down the rabbit hole... .if I ran the world I would take both kids away from her... .but I don’t run the world unfortunately. Nothing seems to move very quickly, but I think we are getting there slowly. I have no idea what was said when the judge and T met.  Things seem to be kept pretty quiet. Hopefully GS gets the help he needs.

Thank you Panda 39... .it’s a journey, one filled with many ups and downs, especially downs. I hope we see a turn around soon.

[formflier]

I can appreciate how a judge would want to "help" in a situation.  You would think that with the power of a judge he could require attendance with licensed types. 

Although we also (and the judge) likely knows the outcome of people being "forced" into couFFnseling. 

Still, given the gravity of the situation, I would think that would be better than nothing.

I have a personal "issue" and "experience" with the harm that unlicensed church counselors can cause... .so take any comments from me with that understanding.  I'm sure many unlicensed church counselors can help many situations.  Give the complexity of PDs... .or people that exhibit PD symptoms... .their potential for positive influence is low and the potential fore "validating the invalid" is high (making things more negative).

FF

[Panshekay]

I understand FF. It’s great that the judge wants her to get help but will she get that help and continue to get help throughout her life?  I highly doubt it.  I guess the part that bothers me, and yes I admit there is a lot that bothers me is how everyone is so willing to leave our GS with his mother... .I dont know how many times I have said this but she is destroying this poor child’s life. If not rescued from her clutches,our GS will grow up to repeat the same patterns.  This learned behavior continues generation to generation. 

[Panshekay]

It is also my understanding that she has fooled every single person/ professional who she has met... .coworkers, teachers, school staff, police, CPS, DHS, Counselors, Therapists, Children’s Advocacy Center staff, CASA, GAL, Att, I have been told she is that good... .but she hasn’t fooled every person for long. There are people/ professionals who are starting to question who really is the abusive parent. So at least that is happening now.