New here:22yr daughter-hope to hear how others set boundaries without guilt

[Uplifted]

Hello, I just found this support group and am relieved to see I'm not alone! My 22 year old daughter is beautiful, educated, can sell water to a whale,and is trapped by BPD. She's been displaying signs of this for many years but wasn't officially diagnosed until last year. It's an emotional rollercoaster. I have custody of her 2 year old son and have taken care of him since birth. It's hard watching her stumble through life, it's a constant worry. I hope to hear how others set boundaries without guilt... .if that's possible.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi Uplifted,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm glad that you have found us, you'll find that you'll fit right in here. Setting boundaries can be tough at the onset, many of us had floating boundaries or no boundaries, it's easier each time that you do it. I'd recommend to read our article on FOG ( Fear, Obligation, Guilt )and depersonalize the reactions when you set boundaries, expect that there are going to be challenges when you set them. Was there anything that you had in mind to set boundaries with? Again welcome to the family.

[bluek9]

Hi Uplifted,

       Welcome to this place of understanding. I too am raising my grandson JJ (6) his mother, my daughter is BPD (35) we all live together. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that you are not alone. You didn't share where your daughter is, does live close by? Does she have contact with her child? I hear you about the worry, we mothers and grandmothers often seem to have aa hard time watching our kids struggle. We always want the best for them.
        I don't want to ask to many questions right off, please share more as you feel comfortable doing. We could have such a long discussion on boundaries, maybe you could share what you're already doing and what you feel like you need help with.

[Merlot]

Hi Uplifted

I welcome bluek9 and Mutt in joining you at the bpdfamily.  I hear you... .it really is so hard to watch them stumble, rise and stumble all over again.  It is particularly difficult with grandchildren involved.  

I am fairly new to the board as well and I have recently updated my post about re-affirming my boundaries with my DD27 and how I turned my guilt/fear into feeling proud of myself.

I have recently read a book by Shari Manning "Learning to Love Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" and there is a wealth of information in there about boundary setting.

I hope you are taking care of yourself too as it is not easy being a full time grandparent and I'm sure many others here will relate. But I'm glad he has you.  

Merlot