Hands up

[Rosie1q]

Hi Everyone.
Hands up everyone if your fed up with the way your son or daughter is treated differently by professionals not the mental health team but let’s say doctors in hospitals consultants police social workers school anyone you have to contact for help and then as soon as you pull out the BPD card your child then develops three heads. They don’t take her seriously or step away. I have to go on appointments which I don’t mind but my daughters 41 and ask me to come a long as they won’t take her seriously. Let’s here from you all if you feel the same way as me 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hi Rosie1q

I don’t have this problem myself because my son with BPD traits is undiagnosed and he also lives in a different country to me right now.

In what way do you feel that your daughter is being treated differently once these people find out that she has BPD?

[Rosie1q]

Hi Feeling better
I really do each time we gone to a Nhs hospital maybe A&E or referal for something unrelated to her mental health as soon as the BPD is mentioned their attitudes in 9/10 times change. In A&E we’re we live as soon as it was brought up we where moved to a room to wait. My daughter is not violent and is not three years old but I have witnessed how they talk down to her and treat her differently as if she is doing it for attention. I’m wondering do other parents feel the same way too.I understand they are not trained in mental health but I do feel mental health patients at times get short changed.

[Feeling Better]

Hi Rosie1q,

Yes, I can see where you are coming from, I think it’s due to a lack of awareness/education about BPD, stigma and the concept that all who have the illness are the same. I’m sure it must be hurtful to witness.

I agree with you wholeheartedly that mental health patients at times get short changed, especially here in UK, it’s just not something that we like to talk about but hopefully we are starting to see a shift in opinions regarding mental health now.

[1hope]

Rosie,
I can relate.  We've been in the ER many times with our DD19 for suicidal feelings, and 3 attempts.   As soon as the BPD was mentioned, or they saw it in her file, she was treated differently.  (We live in Canada).  I was told by a mental health nurse that I was being manipulated.  We've been told that she didn't really want to attempt (how do THEY know?). We've been sent home after a consult, even when she had an active plan. We've had to go to different hospitals for help because our own local hospital that has a new, extensive mental health wing, turned us away.  My DD's therapist at the time actually told us to go to a hospital about an hour away, and NOT tell them she had BPD!

As a parent, it's incredibly frustrating!  We've spent many days/nights on suicide watch.  We've had all "dangerous items" locked up in our home... .

Thankfully, our daughter has now stabilized a bit more.  She doesn't live at home (left suddenly in September with no warning).  She is trying to manage her emotions more, although she isn't in therapy, and isn't taking her meds. 

I think it's easier for us to talk to her now, especially because we are using the skills we've learned here. Also, the issues aren't "in our faces" like when she lived at home.  We don't analyze how she is acting each day to see if she's starting to become unregulated.  Maybe that's better for all of us!

I'm sorry you're going through difficulties with the health care system too.  Have you tried any mental health resources in your community other than the hospital?  We found them to be somewhat more helpful, although there is definitely a stigma (BPD people are often hardest to work with I guess).  Our daughter hit a low point in December, and went to a crisis house that tries to avoid hospitalization (went on her own... .not with us).  It was voluntary.   After that, she seemed to not want to be in an institution as much... .not sure what the change was.

I hope that this site will help you as much as it has helped us!  It helps to share the frustration with others who understand! 

[Rosie1q]

 Hi 1Hope,
Thanks for your post. A friend of mine in a class for parents of adult children related this story .Her son was feeling suicidal so took himself to the hospital where we live which specialises in mental health. He beg them to take him in as he felt he wanted to hurt someone namely one of his family who had gone with him or himself. They told him to go to our local hospital A&E dept. When they got there they told him to go home and ring the police to bring him in then after that they would access him and then he would transfer to the first hospital he went to. I glad I’m not alone and I know the hospitals here are doing their best I’m sure but I wish they realise everyone is different. My daughter won’t go near the hospital now for fear of being treated differently. Send love to you both