The Crisis Cycle Activity

[Depression = 72% of members]

The Crisis Cycle


Click photo to enlarge

The Crisis Cycle shown above is the cycle that each person goes through when their emotions become heightened. This cycle is like a mountain and once it is started, you can’t go back down the mountain and have to complete the cycle, but it is possible to skip across to the other side. When you interact with someone who has entered the Crisis Cycle, you also enter the cycle. As an emotional caretaker, your role in the cycle is to help the other person manage their own emotions while you quickly get yourself back to baseline.

Let’s look at each phase of the cycle:

Baseline-This is the phase when everything is normal, emotions are calm, everything is just right.

Response: Support them in what they are doing

Stimulus/Trigger Phase-Something has entered the environment (such as stress, shame, environmental issues, conflict, etc.) that causes the person’s emotions to heighten just a little.

Response: Address emotions, remove the stimulus or remove them from the stimulus trigger

Escalation Phase-Emotions are pretty intense right now. Breath, pulse, and adrenaline are increasing while critical thinking skills, language skills, and emotional control are decreasing. Fight or flight is starting to set in. The person may be pacing, talking loudly, using large gestures, making accusations, etc.

Response: Offer Options/Set Limits/Self expression

Crisis Phase-The person may become out of control of their emotions at this stage. Their critical thinking skills are not functioning at this point, adrenaline is at a peak, and the person may lose control of their emotions by raging, throwing things, and becoming physically violent. If someone is prone to violence, this is the most dangerous time to be near the person. Once calm, they may not remember what they said or did during this phase.

Response: Least Amount of Interaction Necessary

De-escalation Phase-If you’ll note the de-escalation phase is at the same level as the Escalation phase. The person is still in a highly emotional state, but the worst has passed. They may still be ranting, talking loudly, pacing, or thinking about whatever they are angry at but are more open to solutions. They could easily move back into Crisis.
Response: Structured Cooling Off

Stabilization Phase-Emotions are still present, but things have calmed down significantly. The person may begin to feel shame, embarrassment, or remorse for their behavior. Pulse, breathing, and adrenaline are returning to normal.They may start to JADE.

Response: Active Listening

Post-Crisis Drain Phase-This phase is below base line. All of the strong emotions and hormones are gone and their body is depleted of energy. The person may retreat or withdrawal. They begin to process their emotions and depending on how intense the crisis phase was, may even need a nap or may appear uncoordinated or physically weak. After a period of restoration, the person will return back to baseline.

Response: Listen, observe, support

Which phase do you have most difficulty responding to? Which, if any of the phases, do you feel most comfortable in responding to.  What works well for you in those instances?

How can you respond to your pwBPD in each phase of the crisis? Be specific.
Baseline-
Stimulus/Trigger-
Escalation-
Crisis Phase-
De-escalation-
Stablization-
Post-Crisis Drain-

When your pwBPD enters the crisis cycle, you also enter your own crisis cycle. How can you manage your own emotions in each phase while you both go through the cycle so you do not reach escalation or crisis?

[Tattered Heart]

The Crisis Cycle


Click photo to enlarge

The Crisis Cycle shown above is the cycle that each person goes through when their emotions become heightened. This cycle is like a mountain and once it is started, you can’t go back down the mountain and have to complete the cycle, but it is possible to skip across to the other side. When you interact with someone who has entered the Crisis Cycle, you also enter the cycle. As an emotional caretaker, your role in the cycle is to help the other person manage their own emotions while you quickly get yourself back to baseline.

Let’s look at each phase of the cycle:

Baseline-This is the phase when everything is normal, emotions are calm, everything is just right.

Response: Support them in what they are doing

Stimulus/Trigger Phase-Something has entered the environment (such as stress, shame, environmental issues, conflict, etc.) that causes the person’s emotions to heighten just a little.

Response: Address emotions, remove the stimulus or remove them from the stimulus trigger

Escalation Phase-Emotions are pretty intense right now. Breath, pulse, and adrenaline are increasing while critical thinking skills, language skills, and emotional control are decreasing. Fight or flight is starting to set in. The person may be pacing, talking loudly, using large gestures, making accusations, etc.

Response: Offer Options/Set Limits/Self expression

Crisis Phase-The person may become out of control of their emotions at this stage. Their critical thinking skills are not functioning at this point, adrenaline is at a peak, and the person may lose control of their emotions by raging, throwing things, and becoming physically violent. If someone is prone to violence, this is the most dangerous time to be near the person. Once calm, they may not remember what they said or did during this phase.

Response: Least Amount of Interaction Necessary

De-escalation Phase-If you’ll note the de-escalation phase is at the same level as the Escalation phase. The person is still in a highly emotional state, but the worst has passed. They may still be ranting, talking loudly, pacing, or thinking about whatever they are angry at but are more open to solutions. They could easily move back into Crisis.
Response: Structured Cooling Off

Stabilization Phase-Emotions are still present, but things have calmed down significantly. The person may begin to feel shame, embarrassment, or remorse for their behavior. Pulse, breathing, and adrenaline are returning to normal.They may start to JADE.

Response: Active Listening

Post-Crisis Drain Phase-This phase is below base line. All of the strong emotions and hormones are gone and their body is depleted of energy. The person may retreat or withdrawal. They begin to process their emotions and depending on how intense the crisis phase was, may even need a nap or may appear uncoordinated or physically weak. After a period of restoration, the person will return back to baseline.

Response: Listen, observe, support

Which phase do you have most difficulty responding to? Which, if any of the phases, do you feel most comfortable in responding to.  What works well for you in those instances?

How can you respond to your pwBPD in each phase of the crisis? Be specific.
Baseline-
Stimulus/Trigger-
Escalation-
Crisis Phase-
De-escalation-
Stablization-
Post-Crisis Drain-

When your pwBPD enters the crisis cycle, you also enter your own crisis cycle. How can you manage your own emotions in each phase while you both go through the cycle so you do not reach escalation or crisis?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Enabler]

Pre BPD discovery

Baseline- Try and assert control and get relationship to something I deem as a relationship
Stimulus/Trigger- Typically unaware what the trigger was, but aware that something is going wrong
Escalation- add fuel to the fire by JADE and confusion
Crisis Phase- mirror her anger and in fact probably out-anger her with the injustice
De-escalation- become the voice of assertive reason where I have gotten a hold of my own emotions and realise I was never the problem only the fuel to keep the fires burning
Stablization- detach and avoid
Post-Crisis Drain- allow her to come back, validate her pity, take all the blame and shame from her and be thankful that she's back to recycle me... .tell myself it will never happen again, this time will be different and forget the pain caused by the last event.

Post BPD discovery

Baseline- show kindness and love, however I can't say I have experienced baseline in 2 years
Stimulus/Trigger-  try and work out what is the cause of the trigger by scrolling through events to my knowledge, if nothing then assume it's not me
Escalation- validate the feeling, say as little as possible and sing happy songs in my head
Crisis Phase- Say nothing, become transaction and play music, avoid contact and she that I am not going to play in any games. Observe
De-escalation- fish to see if crisis is over being acutely aware not to stimulate another escalation. Facilitate her perception of freedom as much as possible especially to exercise.
Stablization- Be open for conversation, fish for conversations whilst accepting it might not be possible to have anything meaningful of constructive.
Post-Crisis Drain- attempt meaningful conversations about what has happened, avoid assertions about how she feels or things that she has done wrong. Focus primarily on my experience how I plan to behave and my own critical assessment of me. Listen attentively leaving painfully long pauses for her to express herself. Validate the valid, do not validate the invalid and be alert for her blame shifting.

[isilme]

Baseline- This would be a normal, or a very GOOD day, with very few "weird" moments or red flags looming.  Affection and even joking, pleasant behavior is normal at this time.  I try to be mindful but don't feel like I am walking on eggshells.

Stimulus/Trigger- I know some things will always be a trigger, and try to be extra careful to validate feelings of stress and worries about potential unpleasant comments and revelations (parents' health declining, sister says something off... .etc.) at these times.  Holiday and birthday visits with parents and other family are big triggers.  Try to show I am in it with him, he is not alone, that the visit/event will take place, but be soon over, like a band-aid coming off.  Some triggers come without warning, though, and are the result of a memory I am not aware has been brought back, a comment not made in my presence, or even things like a TV show.

Escalation- I am often caught by surprise at this point, as I often did not realize things were falling down the rabbit hole this quickly.  I usually end up JADEing initially, because in the Baseline mode he will usually listen to an explanation, and I've not yet realized we are approaching an event horizon.  If I am quick on my feet, I switch tactics and stop JADEing.  I try to leave the room/house at this time.  If I am sick, brain-muddled, super tired, or it's late, or we are in a car together, I try to just get quiet and let him talk it out. 

Crisis Phase- Sometimes there is no escalation, it just jumps from baseline to here.  Or I really missed any signals there were.  Shouting starts.  If I JADE-ed or feel like fighting back because I am angry, too, he might get the look when he disassociates and no one is fully home in his head.  He will stomp, scream, throw and break things and in very extreme cases, shove me if I am in reach.  By the time this has happened it is far too late for me to be able to easily leave, and with how our house is built, often I am in a corner and he is blocking a door - not to block me in, he is just never conscious of other people's movements (he often blocks my access to things in the kitchen and then gets confused as to why I am not making my own lunch.  It escapes his notice that he is using the entire counter, blocking the fridge, as well as the sink and microwave).  I try to be in a position where there is some distance, and just disassociate myself from the barrage.  I try to wait it out, like a thunderstorm.  I give up on having much of a say, and wait until he's exhausted his supply of rage and then I try to stay quiet and away from him as long as I can manage in a very small house.
 
De-escalation- I find things I can get by doing without triggering him thinking I am giving HIM the silent treatment.  I try to quietly go about them as if no argument just happened.  I only speak when I need to, and only to ask about inane things like a grocery list, dinner choices, I otherwise leave him alone.  He is in "silent treatment mode" which is both a secondary punishment to me, but I also recognize it as him trying to calm down, deal with his anger, and yes, his shame at losing it.  So I try to leave him be, even if it means going to bed with nothing more than a "good night". 

Stabilization- I want to move on.  I learned long ago that the validating words I think other people seek out aren't something he can offer.  Not yet at least.  And they won't come if I ask for them.  I know I will get nothing out of rehashing the day/night before, no good really comes from it, and so I continue like nothing happened, and tell him good morning, have a good day at work, let me know when you can leave for lunch.  By lunchtime, he is usually in a more "normal" if subdued mood.  By the end of lunch (we go home to eat), I can usually hug him, and all is approaching better.

Post-Crisis Drain- We are both tired.  Often, neither of us slept well.  He is feeling shame at how he acted and trying to reconcile that.  He often says things like, "I don't' deserve affection, I am a monster, etc."  Usually, it will be 1-2 more days to reach Baseline, depending on how bad the blow up was, and if the trigger is in the apst or still looming in the future.

[Tattered Heart]

Which phase do you have most difficulty responding to? Which, if any of the phases, do you feel most comfortable in responding to.  What works well for you in those instances?

I think for myself I have the most difficulty either at the Trigger phase or somewhere between Trigger and Escalation. Trigger phase may catch me off guard if my H has been in baseline too long. Or trigger may enter and I don't notice at all and start to JADE or ignore his cry for validation.

Oddly enough I've become very comfortable in responding in the Escalation phase. I feel like I've learned so much in understanding my own limits that it helps me manuever through this phase easily. I'm also pretty good with the Stablization phase. I've really learned ways to talk to my H to help him process his own emotions after the crisis is over. And I've seen that the support I give him during this phase now sticks with him a lot longer than it ever did before.

How can you respond to your pwBPD in each phase of the crisis? Be specific.

Baseline- Just be his friend during this time. Make sure I'm engaging in activities that he enjoys and that keep his interest. Conversation is important and sharing how I feel positive about our relationship really helps him stay at baseline.
Stimulus/Trigger- Validate Validate Validate. Just asking him questions really helps my H process his emotions at a low level.
Escalation- If my H gets to this point, I may have validated unauthentically or ignored his need for validation. If he reaches this point, I need to begin making plans to exit the home if he starts to yell.  Asking him questions that only require short answers can sometimes help him cross over to De-escalation, but it's much harder to get him to see that I"m working on listening. If I keep engaging too much he will go into Crisis. I try to leave before he gets to Crisis.
Crisis Phase- On the rare occasion that he gets to this point he is in a rage. My best response is to leave the house. If I'm still in the house during this time, I can often leave the house and he won't even notice because he is so caught up in his emotions.
De-escalation- If I have left the house he will usually start to text me at this point. If I can tell that his emotions have decreased I will come back home at this point and I just let him talk through things.
Stablization- I start to validate again at this point. He is now calm enough that he can be mostly rational and usually feels really bad for blowing up. I ask him validating questions to help him come up with his own solutions. I can start to use SET.
Post-Crisis Drain- At this point he will often cry and apologize for his behavior. He starts to seek connection with me again and I need to be sure to let him know that I do not reject him. If he apologizes, I will say something like "I forgive you and accept your apology. I don't like to be yelled at (or whatever it is he has done to me)." SET works really well here.

When your pwBPD enters the crisis cycle, you also enter your own crisis cycle. How can you manage your own emotions in each phase while you both go through the cycle so you do not reach escalation or crisis?

One of the biggest things for me is that I need to be aware of what is going on when he enters the cycle. For me I try to constantly be cognizant of my own emotional state at all times. If I'm tired, not feeling well physically, or emotionally stimulated I know that I need to watch my own responses a little better. I'm more likely to be invalidating, start to JADE, or get frustrated/angry with him.

I can really keep myself in a mostly neutral state if I can remind myself that he is using behavior as a form of communication. He is trying to express a need that he does not know how to express. I almost view it as a game. The goal of the game is to figure out what he needs and to help him get to a point he can talk about what he needs.

[Flyingmonkeys8]

Hello

I just wondered how long is it possible for each stage to last ?

[Tattered Heart]

I would say it depends on the person. For some it's just a couple of minutes. For others it can be an hour or 2. It could even last days or weeks for the full cycle. The actual crisis point itself usually lasts no more than 2-5 minutes because people cannot physically maintain rage for that long of a time. But the build up and cool off periods vary.

[isilme]

Flyingmonkeys8,

^^What Tattered said.  There are a lot of factors that determine the length of each phase, and like I stated, at times the beginning phases can be missed or seem to be skipped entirely. 

When things were at their worst, we'd not go through the full cycle before hitting a Crisis again.  It felt like we'd get all the way to the Crisis, reach a De-escalation, and the ramp right back to Crisis, back to De-escalation, repeat a few times and then finally head to the Post Crisis to ramp right back up the next day and so on for a while.  This was over a period of weeks, from about Thanksgiving one year to mid-January.  In addition to relationship issues where I was very close to leaving, I was enforcing NC with my mother at the time, the holidays came and went which is always high stress for H, and it was winter, which is always horrible for his moods.

Now, It usually takes 24-48 hours for the full cycle.  His rages can last 30 minutes to about an hour before he almost collapses.  The silent treatment that follows can last 6-12+ hours, but some of that time usually include sleep. 

[PChemGuy]

This is an interesting way to break down the negative interactions. I am curious about people’s opinions. What stage would you say your pwBPD becomes emotionally disregulated? I am trying to figure that out in my own relationship. Is it just crisis or all of escalation, crisis, de-escalation? Or all the way to stimulus?