... .because I was talking about how I felt like I was betraying my wife if I spoke with attorneys or considered worst case scenarios. My wife has a history of DV. On that other thread Wentworth mentioned that there might be problems with post-nups given DV and that I might be prone to give away too much because of FOG.
You are in the process of unwinding a major relationship, really just beginning. You are very likely to Gift Away far too much at this stage. Ponder a post-nup carefully, there are huge ramifications that could impact you in so many ways in future years. Therefore, have solid legal advice and also accept input from here in peer support, we've been there and done that.
Likely much of what she would want in a post-nup would hamstring you during a divorce. A disordered spouse would focus on self-interests, not the children or hopes of fairness. There is real risk that she could pressure you to let her load a post-nup with tons of clauses that would outright favor her over you and even the children's best interests. While there's nothing wrong in principle of a pre-nup, she could use it to stack some things in her favor or even limit your 'ammunition' of your more stable parenting that could otherwise be used in a divorce for leverage to get her to accept better terms. Keep your eyes open, listen to legal advice and continue peer support.
I bet that one thing she would want in a post-nup is that you wouldn't use DV history during the divorce and custody struggle. You can't let her tie up that option, for the kids' sake.
On the matter of confidential legal advice, don't feel guilted. For all you know she too is seeking her own legal advice, do you think she is worried about how you would feel? Yeah, I thought not.
And a word about legal advice. If the marriage is to work, you do share information. However, if the marriage is ending then you have to limit shared information to ongoing parenting matters. Any legal discussions, strategy sessions, etc must remain confidential and private so that you don't enable her to sabotage you and your strategies. Yes, no more caving in during late night interrogations.