Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 07, 2025, 02:59:39 PM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Experts share their discoveries [video]
100
Caretaking - What is it all about?
Margalis Fjelstad, PhD
Blame - why we do it?
Brené Brown, PhD
Family dynamics matter.
Alan Fruzzetti, PhD
A perspective on BPD
Ivan Spielberg, PhD
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: How do we know we are not suffering from NPD?  (Read 774 times)
beady

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 44


« on: May 02, 2018, 07:48:23 AM »

I have a daughter w uBPD. A long story, as most here can identify. Anyway, I just read a column about NPD, which my daughter says I suffer from. And after reading the traits of NPD I must admit, I can say that I can answer 'yes' to some of the symptoms.

https://www.urbo.com/content/tactics-used-by-narcissists-to-silence-you/?rtg=3186-3O2FW8&param4=urbo-oo-fbss-3186-demo

And from my daughter's point of view, I can see that she would perceive that I suffer from NPD. Some of the tactics listed in this article, I suspect most of us have used to diffuse a situation. So, it's a slippery slope, isn't it? Gaslighting, diversion, and triangulation, although I've never thought of it those terms at the time, are all tactics that I've used to try to get her to see her black and white thinking and diffuse her anger. Anyone else out there starting to question their own sanity?

Logged
Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
Merlot
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 347



« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2018, 08:10:26 AM »

Hi beady

 Welcome to the bpdfamily

Yep... .question myself all the time.  I'm not an expert, however if there is untold/unreasonable conflict within relationships that struggle to be repaired, there may be underlying mental health issues that warrant exploration to either be understood or in many cases explained away.

The fact that you entertain this as a possibility for yourself shows great self-awareness which from my experience with my BPD daughter is a trait that would rarely be entertained by her.  She doesn't have any problems, the issues are someone elses.

I wanted to know too if I had BPD and spoke to a therapist about this. Sometimes I struggle to manage my emotional reactions to things and at times have struggled with being a victim.  At times I can be highly critical and judgemental - but I am aware of these things and I don't think they are indicative of a mental health disorder. I work hard through my life to be a better version of me.

You are asking good questions and I encourage you to explore them with a therapist and learn any management strategies (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so that you can also be the best version of you. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Depending on your circumstances, maybe you could both go together.

Keep coming and sharing, it's a very interesting issue that you raise, and I'm sure other parents will chime in here as well.

Kind regards
Merlot
Logged

beady

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 44


« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2018, 08:29:06 AM »

Hi beady

 Welcome to the bpdfamily

Yep... .question myself all the time.  I'm not an expert, however if there is untold/unreasonable conflict within relationships that struggle to be repaired, there may be underlying mental health issues that warrant exploration to either be understood or in many cases explained away.

The fact that you entertain this as a possibility for yourself shows great self-awareness which from my experience with my BPD daughter is a trait that would rarely be entertained by her.  She doesn't have any problems, the issues are someone elses.

I wanted to know too if I had BPD and spoke to a therapist about this. Sometimes I struggle to manage my emotional reactions to things and at times have struggled with being a victim.  At times I can be highly critical and judgemental - but I am aware of these things and I don't think they are indicative of a mental health disorder. I work hard through my life to be a better version of me.

You are asking good questions and I encourage you to explore them with a therapist and learn any management strategies (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so that you can also be the best version of you. Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Depending on your circumstances, maybe you could both go together.

Keep coming and sharing, it's a very interesting issue that you raise, and I'm sure other parents will chime in here as well.

Kind regards
Merlot

Thank you so much for answering my question, and quieting my doubts. I think we just all get a bit crazy after a while trying to make sense of the situation we find ourselves in.  Thought I'm glad I'm not the only one with these self doubts.
Logged
Feeling Better
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 742


« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2018, 04:41:24 PM »

Hi beady, I too started to think that I was the one with the problem. My uBPD son is high functioning and very articulate, and although deep down I knew that he was the one with a problem, I started to believe that maybe he was right when he told me that it was me who had a problem.

When I first found out about BPD and read up about it I was looking to see if any of the traits applied to me, it was just me searching for answers and I can see how easy it is to apply traits to oneself, especially if in an emotional state of mind, which I was at the time. Going to counselling has helped me to work my way through this and I am much more self aware and at peace with myself and who I am. 


Logged



If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading ~ Lao Tzu
Yat4

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 47


« Reply #4 on: May 04, 2018, 01:57:42 PM »

What I have heard most often is that you are worrying that you are NPD, you are not. Smiling (click to insert in post) They do make us think we are crazy though sometimes! I really like "The Little Shaman" podcasts. She puts in plain and simple.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyTrKaPRc8c
Logged
once removed
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 12974



« Reply #5 on: May 04, 2018, 02:22:51 PM »

all tactics that I've used to try to get her to see her black and white thinking and diffuse her anger.

be careful with lists like these. they are generally not clinical resources, most pathologize pretty normal or at least common human behavior (we all triangulate - triangulation is everywhere, and there is good and bad triangulation, and "gaslighting" for example is not a term you will find used in most clinical settings), and they can lead you astray in terms of the intentions of, or when it comes to reading, others.

it is an urban legend that if you question whether you have a personality disorder or have the ability to be introspective, that it means you do not have a personality disorder. many people with a personality disorder are perfectly capable of at least starting with both; its how many get into treatment, and there are plenty of stories where partners told their BPD loved one that they thought they had a personality disorder (against advice) and had it be received.

the important thing is that you recognize this stuff. our loved ones are difficult and test us, that is a given, but our responses and how we deal with this kind of adversity is often not the healthiest approach, and/or makes things worse. its tough going. learning new and healthier approaches takes a lot of effort and practice, but it helps us cope, and makes things easier on the relationship.

so the question to me is "i have these unhealthy behaviors; what do i do about it?". and in that regard, working through them here on the board, and with a therapist, is a great approach!
Logged

     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
Daisy123
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 170


« Reply #6 on: May 05, 2018, 09:31:32 AM »

Hello Beady,
My DD would often tell us that she was doing her work- working on herself, but that we weren’t. And it was true, she’d see her therapist and we just spent our time reacting to her behavior. A friend of mine pulled me over and mentioned that I, too should work on my stuff.

I began seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist, I was diagnosed with bipolar.

I’ve continued with treatment and have saught support from this board and a Family Connections group. I also have a small group of friends- tremendous support, I met them two summers ago when I got so depressed, I had to go into IOP. My biggest regret is that I didn’t do this when my DD was much younger.

Taking time to reflect about our own selves can be scary and painful. You are so brave to consider your daughter’s feedback.
I’d encourage you to continue to explore this with a professional.

It’s really tough raising a child with BPD and we all need as much support as we can get. A therapist might help.


Logged
beady

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 44


« Reply #7 on: May 05, 2018, 03:40:44 PM »

Thank you all for your very valuable and supportive advice. I think it is true that to be aware is a good part of the equation. I will read and try to practice the advice given in the right hand column.
Logged
Feeling Better
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Posts: 742


« Reply #8 on: May 06, 2018, 06:08:22 AM »

Thank you all for your very valuable and supportive advice. I think it is true that to be aware is a good part of the equation. I will read and try to practice the advice given in the right hand column.

Great stuff beady, I hope you continue to share with us and let us know how you are getting on x 
Logged



If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading ~ Lao Tzu
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!