Tools to deal with BPD

[Weedle]

Hi everyone,  This is my first entry. I need good suggestions to pass on to my daughter.  Her husband (my son-in-law), I am sure, is BPD.  They have 2 elementary age children.  The kids witness some of his outbursts and see mama cry. They are somewhat afraid of him, and they lie to him to "keep the peace".
I want her to join this group, however, he monitors her computer.

He fits every aspect of BPD.  And, she loathes him, but still loves and feels sorry for him.
He will be a "monster" if she tries to leave.  So much more... .but probably most of it is typical of living with a BPD partner.  

I am a very concerned Mama and Nana... .

[Panda39]

Hi Weedle,

Welcome to the BPD Family  

I'm sorry your daughter can't be here herself but I certainly understand... .so we will help you be the barer of information to her.  (Just an idea if she is a stay at home mom she might take the kids to library and use one of the computers there... .not to mention sneak a peek at some books on BPD.)

But either way how can we help?  What do you think your daughter is struggling with most?  It definitely sounds like her husband is controlling  

When you have the chance you might want to check out the box to the right --> each item is a link to more information.  The "Lessons" section might be a good place to look around.

I'm so glad you've found us and have jumped in, you and your family are not alone everyone here has someone with BPD/BPD traits in their lives, we all "get it".

Take Care,
Panda39

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Weedle, 

I'd like to join Panda39 in welcoming you! How blessed your D is to have your support. I sense a healthy tone to your post, and that is awesome. Your D needs encouragement and tools to help her stand firm. I love Panda's idea about the possibility of going to the library and joining our site.

My m was an uBPD and very controlling. Unfortunately I also married someone with N traits similar to those I was used to seeing in my mom, and only in the last few years have I been able to make some quiet but firm changes, little steps at a time. One that I chose to do was to password protect my computer and my cell phone because DH was very insistent that he could get on to my accounts whenever he wanted to, including my email. There were times he sat down at my computer and asked for the password so he could get in. I would change it after he left but was too afraid to say no to him for the longest time because I feared I would pay for it through the anger he would direct towards me. Now I also have one email for generic that he can still access, and another that he doesn't know about that allows me freedom to get support from others to help re write the voice of control that I heard for so many years. I still hear it, but I've gotten stronger and more balanced and am learning all the time about boundaries.

What can we help you with? Would you like some book ideas?

 
Wools