Ending current T relationship

[sklamath]

I recently terminated the relationship with my T, who I had been seeing for two months. I wrote a little about it here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=325468.msg12970659#msg12970659 Basically, I wouldn't tolerate any other business relationship where the contractor went over time/budget without my consent, and therapy-wise, I wasn't feeling like I was making progress.

I know that I have a tendency to allow a relationship that isn't working for me go on too long, and that when I finally commit to ending something, I'll take the conflict-avoidant route. For that reason, I went to a final T session rather than leaving a voice mail. This wasn't a negotiation, but about trying to end the relationship in a direct and respectful manner.  I probably should have brought it up from the start of the session, but to be fair, T started this session on time and got right into the meat of the session... .in other words, T had responded to what I had said at the last session, and it was the most focused and productive session to date. However, I had already committed to ending things, and had set my own timer for ending the session on time. I stated that I did not want to schedule a future session at this time. I reiterated what I had told her previously, that time management in the session is very important to me and that I believe it's the T's job (not the client's) to end the session on time. I said that I would like to look for a therapist who could bring a bit more structure to the sessions, as this is something that is important to me.

Too harsh? I did get the sense that my T was blindsided by the termination, but I know it was the right thing for me.

[Harri]

sklamath, I was just thinking about your T situation earlier this morning!

It sounds like you did a good job ending it with her.  The fact that she seemed blindsided (in addition to everything she did that was just wrong) indicates to me that she is pretty clueless about the boundaries in a professional relationship at the very least.  Hopefully she will gain something from the experience but that is besides the point.  Plus, her being blindsided does not define your actions. 

You did great at not avoiding conflict.  Rather you confronted it and it sounds like you did it very calmly and in a mature manner! 

[CollectedChaos]

Hi sklamath! 

I don't think you were too harsh at all.  My H is a T and folks in that field are generally understanding that they won't always be a great fit with everyone they meet with.  Some personalities don't mesh as well as others, and the T is (or should be) always looking our for their client's best interests - if that means they see someone else in order to work on their goals, great!   It's not a personal thing, it's just goes along with working with a variety of people.  The fact that she was taken aback by your ending, despite talking about it in a previous session, leads me to believe that she maybe doesn't follow that same line of thinking, which if anything should solidify for you that your decision was the right one.

I think you should be proud of yourself that you confronted the situation and followed through with something you wanted but was uncomfortable to discuss.  Doing that isn't easy!   

[Woolspinner2000]

Sklamath,

When we take a big step like you did and face something directly that is difficult for us to muster up the courage to do (we all understand about conflict avoidance here! ), then a special celebration is appropriate so we can all party together with you!

.  

I wish to validate that you did well, stuck to the point, practiced ahead, didn't get derailed from your plans and re-question yourself, and to me you didn't sound mean or inappropriate at all. Direct and to the point. Tis true that not every T is a good fit.

Hooray for you! Calm those second guessing fears and doubts and if you can, rejoice in the HUGE step forward. Look how much you've grown already! 

 
Wools

[Turkish]

You stood up and validated yourself on what was not working.   

She was a contract employee; it's not like you're firing someone to put them on the street,  and maybe she'll take a lesson to be more structured.  Ugh... .I'm bringing my own Rescuer tendencies into this... . 

Good for you for standing tall