Family dynamics, 35yr daughter's illness has caused havoc, I won't ever give up

[BodieMarie]

My grown daughter (35) has not been officially diagnosed but from everything I’ve read and studied, she certainly seems to suffer from this diabiltating disorder. Currently going through her second divorce, has a 4 and 1 year old. Her other siblings are done with her. Her mental disorder has wreaked havoc on all of my family. Her rages have had the police over to her house and now she has legal battles and fees that are pulling her to the brink. DV charges, custody issues, along with a nasty divorce battle. I just want her to get the help she needs. My heart breaks for her and the suffering she must endure. Currently I am her enemy and the one she blames for all of her struggles. Yes, she has created this isolation. She has me blocked. She has only limited visitation with her children. Setting boundaries and trying to follow thru! This has been a total struggle for all of my family. Family outings? As long as she’s not invited. What’s a mom to do? I won’t ever give up, but it is really hard to watch. So... .there’s my brief introduction. I’m here for support and to offer my own.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[BabySister]

Hi BodieMarie, Welcome
I can feel your struggle from what you wrote. My sibling was diagnosed BP many years ago with a BPD diagnosis
years later. This site is a great outlet and resource for support. I only joined a few days ago. Found the website through the book, How to Stop Walking on Eggshells. A must read if you haven't checked it out yet.

Reading your post makes me think of what my parents must endure as they live with my BPDb and struggle daily with him. I love you saying you'll never give up. I have gone without seeing my brother for over a month at this point. I need some space to take care of myself and gather my thoughts. Sounds like you're other children are done. I struggle as I want my bro to get the help he needs but there's so much shame, blame, and denial. Good for you setting boundaries and trying to follow through. I am trying to do the same finally after decades of this.

Keep posting 

[Feeling Better]

Hello BodieMarie,

I would like to welcome you here  

You have come to the right place for help and support, it can be so challenging when dealing with someone with BPD, and sometimes more so when that person is a son or daughter.

I just want her to get the help she needs.

I can relate to that, as I’m sure many here will also be able to. Does she recognise that she has a problem and that she needs help?

Currently I am her enemy and the one she blames for all of her struggles. Yes, she has created this isolation. She has me blocked.

I understand how this must make you feel, my son blames us for all his problems and says that he was abused as a child, his reality and his truth are different to ours and our other children. I am sorry to hear that she has blocked you, although I’ve not been blocked by my son he is NC (no contact) with me and has been for over a year now.

Setting boundaries and trying to follow thru! This has been a total struggle for all of my family. Family outings? As long as she’s not invited.

I believe you when you say that setting boundaries and trying to follow through has been a struggle. There is an article to the right  
Under the TOOLS heading, see Communicate Boundaries & Limits. It might help you with setting boundaries, bearing in mind that boundaries are there for you, for your own protection.

I understand that family outings can be hard too, you need to consider other family members, what a shame that your daughter cannot be invited along. I do get it x  

[wendydarling]

Hello BodieMarie 

I'd like to join BabySister and Feeling Better welcoming you and glad you've joined us parents here for support.

I'm so sorry for your heart break, watching your daughter suffer so much and the havoc BPD has caused to your family. I'm with you all the way, never give up, things can get better, from the most dire of situations as you'll read on this forum.

It sounds like your daughter is right up against it feeling the consequences of her behaviour, she's isolated herself. When did you last hear from her? Do you know where she is staying? What boundaries have you been enforcing, following through?

Welcome again, we look forward to hearing more from you BodieMarie. 

WDx