She did another stupid thing: impatience, vandalism, she's banned from a castle

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

We took an early morning trip to a castle - several hours drive - got there early - castle car park not open to visitors until 10 AM. It's just after 9.

Oh boy! a whole hour to pacify a BPD who thinks we should be allowed in.

We are asked to wait somewhere behind a barrier on the road in. A fair request though strictly put.

I'm counting the seconds down as I know she does not like waiting or being told where to park - least of all by a young confident woman.

complain moan moan etc etc

Then she picks up a stone, a piece of chalk stone - and writes something on the road next to the ticket booth. A complain about unfriendly customer service.

The lady who asked us to move our car sees this points out she was only trying to explain and help and goes away.

5 minutes later a police car arrives and parks nearby.

Then a castle employee tries to remove the grafitti but it wont go - they need water.

Castle security officer arrives asking what is the issue.

My wife complains about an impolite employee and we are told she will not be allowed onto the site.

We leave and find alternative things to do.

This has happened before - I have no idea how to stop her doing these things - why she feels rules should not apply to her - why she reacts to things she does not like and creates problems for her and us.

Graffiti is technically criminal damage - so she is now fretting that the police may want to arrest he over this incident.

I think this unlikely - but I found some evidence online demonstrating to her that what she did was technically criminal. She was going to write a big complaint to the company but changed her mind when I showed her she may be in some legal trouble.

Well - that's about it.

any comments? Is it just me whose pwBPD has some kind of entitlement complex and seeks direct revenge on anyone who opposes her?

[MrRight]

We took an early morning trip to a castle - several hours drive - got there early - castle car park not open to visitors until 10 AM. It's just after 9.

Oh boy! a whole hour to pacify a BPD who thinks we should be allowed in.

We are asked to wait somewhere behind a barrier on the road in. A fair request though strictly put.

I'm counting the seconds down as I know she does not like waiting or being told where to park - least of all by a young confident woman.

complain moan moan etc etc

Then she picks up a stone, a piece of chalk stone - and writes something on the road next to the ticket booth. A complain about unfriendly customer service.

The lady who asked us to move our car sees this points out she was only trying to explain and help and goes away.

5 minutes later a police car arrives and parks nearby.

Then a castle employee tries to remove the grafitti but it wont go - they need water.

Castle security officer arrives asking what is the issue.

My wife complains about an impolite employee and we are told she will not be allowed onto the site.

We leave and find alternative things to do.

This has happened before - I have no idea how to stop her doing these things - why she feels rules should not apply to her - why she reacts to things she does not like and creates problems for her and us.

Graffiti is technically criminal damage - so she is now fretting that the police may want to arrest he over this incident.

I think this unlikely - but I found some evidence online demonstrating to her that what she did was technically criminal. She was going to write a big complaint to the company but changed her mind when I showed her she may be in some legal trouble.

Well - that's about it.

any comments? Is it just me whose pwBPD has some kind of entitlement complex and seeks direct revenge on anyone who opposes her?

[RolandOfEld]

Hi MrRight, that sounds like an awful experience.

my uBPDw is absolutely the type to get into conflicts like this. The ones I remember most vividly are cursing out a 5 year old kid or the time she called a government worker on the phone a "c*nt". Granted, we live in her country (Asian) and she was using English towards these two people who probably didn't understand what she was saying. Oh and there was the time she tried to get me to sue our son's newly graduated preschool teacher for posting pics of him on the school Facebook. But I know it was really because she "felt" the teacher had been rude to her.

It's been a while, though, since anything like the above has happened with someone outside our family.

No, you cannot due anything to stop her from doing things like the above. My suggestion would be letting your partner take the consequences, or helping the consequences along if she's done something criminal towards you and is never going to get caught. I reported my wife to the police 3 times myself for criminal behavior towards me. I think in most places you can ask the police just to put something on record without arresting anyone. I guess just as long as the consequences don't come back to hurt you as an individual.

Has she done anything like the above towards you?

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld

[Red5]

Afternoon Mr. Right,

"why she feels rules should not apply to her"

"pwBPD has some kind of entitlement complex and seeks direct revenge on anyone who opposes her"

"why she reacts to things she does not like and creates problems for her and us"

No Sir, you are not alone in these types of experiences... .the three above bullets are "markers" or behavior traits of both BPD, and npd (n=narcissism), .npd I think is also ingrained (presented) in some pw/BPD, as they present both sets of behavioral traits at times.

I have this also in my own r/s with u/BPDw.

Oh' yes, ."the stories I can (could) tell"... .of late an extreme airport dysregulation experience, I almost had to walk away from her, and leave her to her own consequences... .rather a nasty thing to have to do, but I also had my son with me (step mother scenario)... .so its was either her or him, .and I was going to ensure he was alright, .so I made a credible "threat" of negative consequences reaction/action to her, and it put her back on her rails, .yes risky, and if she'd not have complied, I would have executed the plan in its entirety... .no easy days,

Red5

[MrRight]

Thanks for your comments Red5 and  RolandOfEld

This is so exasperating - the way she ropes me into these situations. In the early days we needed a visa from the French consulate in London. When we got there, the queue was 200M long on the street. She said - I'm not waiting - we're travelling today - these people are most likely not. She went to the head of the queue - I thought we would be killed. We got in - they wouldnt help - she started crying - a senior diplomat saw her and took pity on her tears and arranged a visa for her. I still felt very uncomfortable - queue jumping is not in my blood.

And yes - she is capable of making a major fuss and wanting me to sort it out.

She's got this thing about ambulances. Many times when son was a small kid and he had a fever "call the ambulance!"

I said - well we have a car - save the ambulance for someone who does not have car and I will drive him to the hospital.

Dirty ass! Your son is dying and you wont call an ambulance.

Then at a doctor she took son and showed some (minor) symptoms - saying he needs blood tests scans etc etc. the doctor says no - these symptoms require no such things. ":)o you want to see him die!" she raged at the doctor. We have previously been banned from a doctor surgery as she was heard berating the staff when our appointment slot passed and we had waited 15 minutes - I was sure we would be banned again but the doctor reacted in a mature professional way.

It goes on and on.

[Red5]

This is so exasperating - the way she ropes me into these situations... .

It goes on and on... .

Yes it certainly does MrRight, oh' yes it does,

As a matter of fact, I can feel that ole' rope starting to tighten round my ankle right now,

... .but at the moment my expeditionary/expedient boundary seems to be holding somewhat... .but is is early in the day/week yet... .

Red5