Don’t know what to do

[Thestrugglesreal]

My introduction starts with both my daughters being sexually molested by my youngests biological father at the ages of 3 & 5. My oldest has had the hardest time and is the one with the BPD traits. She started on Prozac prescribed by her pediatrician while seeing a counselor and at the age of 7 her behavior has been out of control. She has had several different diagnoses and a lot of medications and through 3 different psychiatrists they have said they believed she had BPD but could not formally diagnose nor did they give me any advice on how to deal with the traits and behaviors at home but gave her diagnoses and treatment for ODD, anxiety, and depression. Over the years with many different Counslors, psychologists, and medications going up her behavior worsened as well as her self esteem and she started self harming, attempting suicide (I’ve heard about from her but not seen), and suicidal ideation. She was admitted to the hospital 5 times during a 4 month period and was not at home much. I am a single mom and lost my career going back and forth to hospitals and have been out of work since January. My daughter is a gifted child and LOED school, she always made honor roll every quarter every year since first grade but now she has missed so much school I’m not even sure if she’ll be going into 5th grade or not and she is upset about it as well. I have tried outpatient services and she refuses to go, child services opened a case and sent her to a residential facility 4 hours from me only for her to be there for 2 weeks and I withdrew her due to how bad the facility was. She has for the past 2 years been obsessed with online gaming, Movie Star Planet, roblox, and Minecraft. Not for the actual gaming but to make friends and be free as she says to be whatever she wants and these people are her true friends because she gets bullied in real life and doesn’t have any friends. I have talked to her about the dangers of online gaming and if I take it away she threatens to kill herself and when her online “friends” bully her then she wants to kill herself. I started weaning her off her medications and have noticed a huge difference in her except for the gaming. The tantrums are not as often or as long when they do happen and she hasn’t threatened to hurt or kill her self until last night over her “friends”. She refuses to go anywhere including Dr and counseling appointments, dentist, orthodontist etc. She refuses to shower, change clothes, take meds, brush teeth, get out of the house etc. She is upset with her appearance but is not willing to do anything about it with my help and support. She verbally abuses everyone in the house and has gotten physical as well. I don’t know what to do any more and I am mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted from trying to do and say the right thing and I wat so badly to help her and don’t know how. My baby is only 10 and I don’t know how to help her and even talking about things I usually get cussed out and am left with depression, anxiety, and low self esteem myself.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello Thestrugglesreal

I would like to welcome you here and say how sorry I am to hear of what you are going through, my heart goes out to you 

You most certainly have had a lot to contend with these last few years, it must be really difficult for you being a single mom. Have you any support at all, any family and/or friends who you can turn to?

You say that you are mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted from trying to do and say the right thing, I remember also feeling that way with my uBPD son, but in my case he is much older than your daughter. May I ask, are you managing to do anything for your own self care? It is really important that you take care of yourself so that you are able to then help and care for your child. Having said that, I do understand how difficult it might be for you to implement self care, especially if you are feeling anxious and depressed and have low self esteem. Have you ever sought help for yourself?

How is your other daughter in all of this, how is she treated by her older sister?

[Merlot]

Hi Thestrugglesr

I welcome you along with Feeling Better.

You certainly do have much on your plate and we can relate.

As your daughter is so young it is very hard to have a breather and Feeling Better gives you some sound guidance about self care.

From your post I can hear how enntrenched in the issues you are. For what its worth, what do you think about trying a few things that arent necessarily focussed on gaming or her abiliry to care for her physicality. What things does she like; things before gaming? Do you bake together, watch a movie together, take a walk in the park together. Very small things that take her to a different place in her mind. If she doesnt want to do anything, what small things coukd you do for her that arent focussed on those issues currently causing conflict?

There is so much information on the board to the right and parents here are incredibly supporrive.

Please kniw youve made agrest start coming here. We care about what you are going through and are here to talk to you anytime you need.

Merlot