Baby steps...

[1hope]

The age 18 must be a tough one for those with BPD.  I’ve read about so many parents on here trying to deal with different things their children are going through. 

My DD was diagnosed with “BPD traits” when she was 18. She actually told the psychiatrist that she felt that was what she had.  She had several suicide attempts, many hospitalizations, counselling, meds... .

Like many of you, our daughter was not abused.  She has a supportive family that has been there for her through everything.  The counsellors feel that the BPD may have stemmed from bullying in elementary school (which we thought were friendship problems, and had tried to guide her through).  I think that DD is someone who has difficulty with not internalizing even small things (common with BPD). She still has trouble knowing what to do in social situations of any kind.  (She’s 19 now.)

This past September we came home from work to find she had moved out. No warning, no conflict which led up to it, nothing.  We didn’t even know where she was for several days.  She ended up back in the hospital at the end of October after another intentional overdose.  She didn’t have rent money, and saw no way out.

Again, we tried to support her.  We worked out a payment plan for her, helped with rent until she stabilized, took her for groceries etc. 

Through all of this, I came here for support, to learn, to feel like I could vent.  It has helped immensely. 

Today we will help DD move into her new apartment.  Her lease was up on the old one.  My friends wondered if she’d move home.  Our answer: it’s actually better for all of us this way.  Our house is calmer.  We are calmer.  Our DD has learned many valuable life skills.  She finished high school and graduated last month.  She is in a job skills program.  She applied for government assistance earlier this year to help pay her bills.  She makes doctor/dentist appointments for herself.   She is learning to self-soothe.  She calls me to touch base almost daily.  She isn’t on any meds (although she wants to look at this again for her anxiety and depression).  She doesn’t go to therapy, but is looking into a new therapist.  Baby steps... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello 1hope  

Lovely to hear from you   congratulations to your daughter on her graduation, what an amazing achievement! You must be very proud. She's accomplished so much since she left home unexpectedly after many hospitalisations was such a worry for you.  It's been a journey for you and I understand with my DD understanding their strengths and limitations and where they are learning, growing and struggling it's baby steps for sure. Your daughter is working out what's right for her at her own pace, taking on responsibility and you are there for her is everything, our children do well when we step in their shoes, we've got their back.  I've always been super impressed by what I've heard from you about your BPD therapist who has helped you and your husband navigate the most difficult of times. Are you still consulting them?

It's all change with our children, from what I hear your daughter is leading her way addressing what she needs to at the time that's right for her.

1hope my DD also talks about school environment post DBT. She's never talked about bullying per se. What is bullying? The girls fought over her being best friend. Like a trophy. That is hard if you are a sensitive soul. Comes in all shapes and forms? It's certainly helped her find community of friends where she belongs and is happy and they understand her BPD and they are right there with her always. Like family.

How are you? Are you feeling any relief? Last hospatisation October, that's been my counter November 2016  

BPD is a maize, the answers have been here for me. I keep on going.

WDx