How early did BPD traits manifest?

[terranova79]

Hi everyone,

I am very interest to hear from everyone about at what age their son/daughter’s BPD traits began to manifest.  My elementary school-age son is displaying a lot of the traits that I saw in my uBPDxW—e.g., emotional volatility, intense anger, hyper-sensitivity, the need to blame etc.  I know it is often said that BPD can’t be officially diagnosed until adulthood, but that doesn’t mean the symptoms aren’t there long before.  I am hoping my son can just grow out of these habits/behaviors, but I am worried they are signs of BPD.  Is t too early to worry?

Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello terranova79

I would like to welcome you here to bpdfamily

I am very interest to hear from everyone about at what age their son/daughter’s BPD traits began to manifest.

My uBPD son will shortly be 36 and it was suggested to me two years ago that he most likely had BPD and that I should read up about it. It was only when I found this site a year ago now that I finally realised that yes, although I had initially thought my son had PTSD resulting from a traumatic experience he’d had, he could in fact have BPD traits and in fact, he might well have both PTSD and BPD traits.

So, in answer to your question, my son actually did exhibit BPD traits from a very young age, although at that time I was unaware of such a disorder. I thought that his difficult behaviour would be something that he would grow out of as he grew up and matured, but sadly that did not happen. Had I known what I know now, how to validate feelings, how to be more empathetic, who knows, the outcome might have been completely different.

You ask “is it too early to worry?” It could well be, however it is not too early to be aware. You have a distinct advantage there. Awareness. You have access here to all the learning tools and skills that you will need to help you now and also to navigate through the difficult times that may be ahead.

[Merlot]

HI terranova79

Along with Feeling Better I welcome you to the BPD family   

You ask “is it too early to worry?” It could well be, however it is not too early to be aware. You have a distinct advantage there. Awareness. You have access here to all the learning tools and skills that you will need to help you now and also to navigate through the difficult times that may be ahead.

Feeling Better provides you with some advice that cannot be understated.

I've pasted a link below to Harley Quinn's post, that goes to the heart of your question and some of the strategies that perhaps you could consider in light of your current circumstances.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=326573.0

We would love to hear more from you, this is a very worthy conversation.  Many parents are here learning in the the aftermath of a BPD diagnosis (like myself).  I wish i had been able to be here years ago just like you.

Take care  

Merlot

[loveandcare]

I would say I started to notice very subtle things about the age of 8 or 9. However, I didn't suspect BPD then, I just assumed it was the onset of puberty. Fast forward a few years and things were starting to get really difficult. By 13 I would say for sure. However, despite me suggesting it time and time again to every medical person we can into contact with, nobody would diagnose her due to her age. However, I also suspect that there was a bit of "don't want to be told what to do by a pushy Mom"/ego-issues at play, as well as some incompetence.

She was finally diagnosed at 18.

[pjmanley41]

In hindsight, I would say my daughter began showing signs of BPD around age 9.  By 13 the symptoms were very problematic.  She is still to be diagnosed (now 33) -- they've said ADHD, Bi-polar, etc... ., prescribed ADHD meds and nerve pills, narcotics, etc... .(which REALLY escalated the problem!)... .now she's taking nothing and in between "blow-ups" so I'm at a breathing space. 

Perhaps it was even earlier because I was reading books about "how to raise a stong-willed child" before she began school.

However, if I had known about BPD then, I'm not sure the outcome would be any different, but I would have saved myself a lot of emotional pain.  Forewarned is forearmed?

[Blueskyday]

Mine was 10... Her period started on her 11th birthday. It was like a switch was flipped when her hormones came into play. Gone was the child who adored me.

Her belief is that I started to attack her when she developed a will of her own. She's almost 30 and still firmly believes I do this. She will also tell anyone willing to listen if she's splitting.

My dtr has had a diagnosis of bipolar with BPD traits. Personally I think its the other way round. Her behaviour so fits the BPD model. She does have an element of control. I have known people with Bipolar and they would lose themselves in mania. My dtr doesnt appear to me so much manic but rather unable to control her impulses.  

[wendydarling]

Hi terranova79

Thanks for raising this important question and helping us share our experiences here with you.

My 29 yr daughter was diagnosed three years ago following her first hospitalisation. She is a quiet borderline, there were no evident BPD traits as a child that I noticed or family friends, teacher raised. Come 15 she had an eating disorder, 16 cutting. She reached out for help with at 18, of course there was a lot more going on than just that, we now know. I'd hope today when GP's are presented with an eating disorder and other disordered behaviours they carryout a full mental health evaluation rather than point our children in the direction of an eating disorder clinic. Since diagnosis my daughter's often said she knew things were not right from a young age.

I agree with others it's never too early to be aware nor to practice the tools and lessons here with our children and family, with everyone. 

Do you have a friend, family member to talk with terranova79 for support?

WDx

[wetcoastmom]

Our teen hasn't been diagnosed as BPD, but the more we read the more we relate to the stories. This year, she started self-harming, as well as sleep issues, eating issues. The lying, stealing, volatile emotions, physical aggressions, rationalizing in 1000 different ways and directions as well as what we call backpatching (rewriting history) has been there for years. We recently read Stop Walkign on Eggshells (2nd edition) and other than the abandonment piece (which may be there) we see everything else and have for years.

[Yat4]

I think it is dangerous to try to diagnose a child with BPD, but in hindsight there were warning signs, which may or may not have changed the outcome. My daughter always seemed to be psychologically a few years behind what I was seeing with other kids, and never really developed any empathy.
I think being aware that this may be developing, and an early chance to intervene is not a bad thing at all.

[Jnel921]

My D20 was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder when she was 11. She was very difficult at that time. As she got older it only got worse. She falsely accused us of hitting her and started smoking pot, cutting herself, threatening suicide, running away, broke every rule, didn't listen, cursing, screaming, stealing, you name it she did it. When she was 18 she was finally diagnosed with BPD however she did not accept that diagnosis and has refused any treatment. She thinks pot is the answer to everything, yet her life hasn't gotten any better.

So life has been a rollercoaster ride with her as she has no real focus or sense of direction she wants to take with her life. She is home now, however I have enforced strict boundaries. I feel that as an adult she doesn't need to be in my home. But because she is and because right now she contributes $0. She will need to respect what we say, if not then she will have to leave.

[Kwamina]

Hi terranova79

It might help to take a look at this thread:
Early signs of possible BPD traits in your children

Here's an excerpt:

Hi there
<br/>:)octors are often very reluctant to diagnose young children with BPD, partly because the brain is still developing. Having said that, I think looking back many parents of now adult children with BPD will probably be able to identify certain early indicators of possible BPD traits in their children. Regardless of whether it was 'officially' labeled as BPD or not. Blaise Aguirre, MD, examined the notion of not being able to diagnose adolescents with BPD and raises some very interesting points:

• The idea that we have to wait until 18 to diagnose a personality disorder [makes] little clinical sense and flies in the face of current evidence.
• In our clinical experience most adult patients with BPD recognize that their symptoms started in adolescence (or earlier).
• Personality evolves in children. Parents often recognize that their children can have very different personalities from each other.
• Psychiatry has been comfortable diagnosing most other DSM conditions in younger people.
• No other medical or psychiatric condition would wait to get until someone was 18 to get targeted treatment.

The Board Parrot

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Pico96]

The family and I were aware of changes in her between the ages of 17-19.   She has never been diagnosed, that we know of since we are not allowed to know who her therapist is (who she has been seeing for over 10 yrs).   She is now 39 and if there is such a thing as full-blown BPD, she's got it. Her symptoms have increased year by year and have recently escalated substantually.

[wetcoastmom]

My teen does not have a diagnosis of BPD and does ntreeed this diagnosis to do DBT treatment program. She is currently 15 and everything we have read fits this. I'm even more convinced after watching the video BPD in Adolescence: Early Detection and Intervention. She fits exactly the pattern he describes in that things blew up for her after her best friend was told by a counsellor to stay away from my daughter because she is 'toxic'. She has above average intelligence, has high anxiety, emotional disregulates easily, is impulsive blames everyone (and has no ability to learn from natural consequence)  My daughter cut multiple cuts in her arm, stopped eating, couldn't sleep and we finally had to pull her from school a bit early. We are fortunate that she was already doing DBT orientation at the time.

I laugh a bit at the early detection and intervention because my daughter has been very challenging for years. When she was in grade 2, her teacher suggested we get her assessed for OCD and we looked at it and went no that's not it. Before she was 2 there were some traumatic situations, one in particular where her whole personality shifted. By the time she was 6 or 7, there were lots of lies, stealing etc. She would do things like stand on a railing two floors up and say "if you don't, I will jump... ." or she would stand in front of the car. She has had the family in a 'noose from a young age.' I read the book Walking on Eggshells, and she excels at rationalizing in a 1000 directions, 1000 ways. It is exhausting, traumatizing to cope with and has been taking the whole family down for years! We have been told by several independent people that DBT is exactly what she needs. Hope this helps! I think it is better to get therapy and or treatment than a diagnosis for what it's worth.