How do l move forward.

[Gaffer]

 *Hi l am Gaffer,

I called myself Gaffer as from now on l will endeavour to be in charge of my life direction as opposed to losing control and self to another. But ironically l need support to make smarter decisions from those who may have traveled the path l am on.
Hi
I am new to this site, and l am grateful for the opportunity to be able to ask for help.

I did write a post about 1 month ago as l was trying to bring our children to see their relatives for the first time in 9 years. It was a hectic time and at the last minute my ex gave me passports after l paid her a lot of money to her for them,  so we could travel. It was a very memorable for all of us and helped our children get a bigger view of their family world. lt seems like a wonderful dream now it is over, if our children did call here home l would would move back with my family in a flash.  I apologise for not replying.

I live away from my family and friends. My ex and our 3 children were my life. Although l never really felt l could trust her. I then ended up not being able to trust myself and  this escalated till 3 years ago she wanted a separation and wanted me to move out.
I feel if l left then l would not be alive now although a lot of aggression has happened in the mean time but l get to spend time with my children everyday and our bond and trust has grown so much in those 3 years since l have taken back some care duties which l was blocked from doing prior to separation.
I am trying to figure out a save way to seperate so we can both have homes for our seperate families but my ex is working hard at destroying me one way or another and trying to pry me out of our children’s lives.
If anyone was in a similar position and succeeded in rebuilding a new life and safe steps to make this happen.
I am trying not to have to go to court but feel she is trying to build a case against me.  She has taken over most of the household bills in her name and changed bank a/c details so l can’t pay her direct only through my sons bank a/c.

My mental reserves have just had a major boost with our trip back to my country of origin.
My psychologist directed me to this site as she felt l could get some help from others who maybe able to relate to my situation.

My stories are long and many but the ones that keep me awake at night are my drivers license and Medicare card were taken from my wallet,soon after our separation and then mobile phones were set up in my name.
It seems that everything l do she needs to try and outdo.
We have different believes on vaccinations and fluoride both she believe are toxic.
Our youngest child’s teeth are the worst of the three and l put it ditto no fluoride but l am blamed for lies which l deny and point to the other two because she was the primary parent for most of their lives the children believe everything she says to be true. I feel l am like the frog in the pot on the stove top. I am not the most organised of people but getting better all the time.
Please tell me what you think.
It is late and l feel l am coming down with a cold or something.
I apologise if this was difficult to read due to spelling or grammar. Please forgive me.

Thank you for reading.
 
Yours sincerely

Gaffer

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Gaffer, 

Thank you for coming and reaching out to us, and how wonderful that your psychologist referred you here. 

I'm so glad to have you share some of your story with us. It helps us to understand. I can tell that you love your children very much and have bonded with them. That is huge to be able to show them that they are not to blame in the conflict going on.

A few questions for you to make sure I understand correctly. I think you live near your children in one country but are from another country, right? And you are separated but anticipating that your parental rights will be challenged? Are you keeping record of what you are paying her to help with the bills? What kind of visitation or custody do you have now?

Please keep us updated! I'm sure we will be able to support you. We care so much about our members and want to help you have the tools you need to encourage you to grow and find strength for yourself.

Wools

[ForeverDad]

My ex too resisted vaccinations and flouride.  There are two sides to every story but still we have to decide how to navigate through them.  In order to attend school some vaccinations are required, so my approach was to allow them to be delayed as much as possible and the multi-vaccines administered separated to minimize the impact to the immune system.  As for fluoride, it is a very dangerous poison in sufficient quantities.  Which is why we spit out those toothpastes and rinse our mouths afterward.  A little may not be too harmful but I do know that too much can at the least create permanent white spots in teeth, I've seen actors and actresses with prominent white spots.

Just as important is keeping the teeth clean.  If there are teeth, no child is too young for brushing.  I myself had 'bad' teeth because the only flossing was done during my 6 month dental cleanings.  Yep, lots of crud between my teeth and cavities too.  I finally realized I could floss my own teeth when I was 18 or 19, but by then my teeth were, well, you know.  Why in the world dentists didn't advocate regular flossing along with the brushing advice, I don't know.  Hard to say they were ignorant.  I was ignorant, the dentists of yesteryear sure knew more than me as a kid.

Good thing for young kids, their 'baby' teeth if damaged will be replaced later by their permanent teeth.

One good thing is that dentists are more aware these days and have better remedies.  They can 'seal' cracks and crevices so decay is less likely to start there.