Unique relationship

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am a 50 year old middle school teacher. I became the “favorite person” to a sixth grade boy three years ago. He is now entering high school. His family is very dysfunctional, his mother was in a terrible auto accident several months ago in which her passenger was killed. The accident was not her fault. However, she shows the signs of a cluster b disorder as well. The family would fool many people, but the young man has confided a great deal in me, so I know there are very real problems. Since school got out, he has been in the cycle of devaluing and idealizing me from week to week. I can’t seem to desert him, because I fear how intensely he would react, he seems to be quiet BPD. I don’t know how to maintain a relationship, or how to help him. I really do like him, keep in mind I have been “love bombed” for three years. But, I can also see where this is headed. Any ideas?

[Leftyboy]

I am a 50 year old middle school teacher. I became the “favorite person” to a sixth grade boy three years ago. He is now entering high school. His family is very dysfunctional, his mother was in a terrible auto accident several months ago in which her passenger was killed. The accident was not her fault. However, she shows the signs of a cluster b disorder as well. The family would fool many people, but the young man has confided a great deal in me, so I know there are very real problems. Since school got out, he has been in the cycle of devaluing and idealizing me from week to week. I can’t seem to desert him, because I fear how intensely he would react, he seems to be quiet BPD. I don’t know how to maintain a relationship, or how to help him. I really do like him, keep in mind I have been “love bombed” for three years. But, I can also see where this is headed. Any ideas?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello Leftyboy

Welcome to bpdfamily. That's a difficult situation you find yourself and I hear you feel uncomfortable, the boy confiding in you, you know there are very real problems, you don't want to desert the boy, though also don't know how to maintain a relationship, or how to help him.

What welfare will there be at high school, is there a programme of welfare support for youngsters like this?

Do you see him out of school? What would you like to happen for him?

You say you can see where this is headed? What can you see?

WDx

[Panda39]

Hi Leftyboy,

I think it is totally appropriate that you are looking at boundaries in terms of the relationship you have with your student while wanting to direct him to help.

I was thinking along the lines of wendydarling as well.  Does the High School have a  school psychologist/counselor that you can refer him to when he transitions to High School?  Or maybe the other way round you reach out to a counselor who can then reach out to the student at the High School.

Panda39

[Turkish]

Where's his dad? Do you think he sees you as a father figure?

I'm glad that you have taken interest in his well being.  My mother was BPD and from junior high until I graduated high school,  my home life (if I could call it that because we were kind of homeless) was bad. A few teachers in high school took interest in my well being which helped me though it wasn't too the extent of friendship. 

BPD isn't typically diagnosed this young,  but the behaviors tend to show up early. 

By "love bombing" do you mean "idealization?" Or have there been signs of a romantic attachment on his part?

I agree with wendydarling and Panda39 that it would be good to enlist help here,  both to help him and also to keep you safe from possible false accusations should this young man go full devaluation on you.  Do you think you are safe? I know it can be hard to think about this, being focused on his welfare, but many members here (including me) have focused upon the needs of our pwBPD at the expenses of ourselves.