I'm new here Wanting to say hello

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi!   

I'm just signed up to this forum, so am just finding my way and saying hello in the first instance.

I have an adult daughter (24) who is currently Sectioned, and has been in a psychiatric hospital for just over 5 months now.  She is acutely unwell, having made attempts on her life, which led to her being sectioned.  She has a history of mental illness, which started in her teens, but was diagnosed with BPD shortly before her admission to hospital.

My daughter is currently undergoing a course of ECT (number 9 today), and although there was a brief respite from her pain, she is now back in a very dark place.

I am her primary carer. My daughter came back home to live with me 18 months ago when her mental health suffered a relapse.  The last few months have been horrifying, terrifying and bewildering.

So, I thought I'd say hello, and see who else is out there ... .!

[Moominmamma]

Hi!   

I'm just signed up to this forum, so am just finding my way and saying hello in the first instance.

I have an adult daughter (24) who is currently Sectioned, and has been in a psychiatric hospital for just over 5 months now.  She is acutely unwell, having made attempts on her life, which led to her being sectioned.  She has a history of mental illness, which started in her teens, but was diagnosed with BPD shortly before her admission to hospital.

My daughter is currently undergoing a course of ECT (number 9 today), and although there was a brief respite from her pain, she is now back in a very dark place.

I am her primary carer. My daughter came back home to live with me 18 months ago when her mental health suffered a relapse.  The last few months have been horrifying, terrifying and bewildering.

So, I thought I'd say hello, and see who else is out there ... .!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Donalith]

Welcome! I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties you're going through!

You find many a friendly ear here and we'll even keep our mouths shut and ears open if you just feel like talking or venting!

We're all here to support one another.

Donalith

[Feeling Better]

Hello Moominmamma

I would like to join Donalith in welcoming you here. I am so sorry to hear that your daughter is currently sectioned, it must be devastating for you 

Do you know how much longer she is expected to be in hospital?

I am sorry also to hear that despite having some respite after her ECT treatment, she is now experiencing a setback. Do you know whether they will be continuing with the ECT treatment?

How are you feeling, how are you coping with all of this?

I am so glad that you have joined us here and are reaching out for support. I would recommend that you also read through other’s post, many of them, I am sure, you will find truly inspiring x 

[MomMae]

Hello Moominmamma, 
I'd just like to join in with FeelingBetter and Donalith in welcoming you here - we are so very glad you have joined our supportive community, while very sorry of the circumstances that made you seek us out.

When I was reading your post, your words that I will quote below really resonated with me:

The last few months have been horrifying, terrifying and bewildering.

I know that I, along with so many others on this board, know exactly what you are talking about when you say that.  It sometimes feels like an out-of-control rollercoaster ride that none of us are meant to be on... .including our dear sons and daughters who suffer from this awful condition of BPD. 

My own BPD child is a daughter of 21, who is doing very well at the moment, after several very tumultuous years.  I found this board to be a godsend and my safe haven... .I hope that you will, too.

FeelingBetter gives good advice about reading through the posts of others... .it helps so much to know that you are not alone, that what you are feeling is normal and natural.  And indeed, there is inspiration and hope to be found in the journeys of others.  As well, the tools and lessons to the right of this page  are an invaluable resource that I hope you will take the time to peruse when you are up to it.

Do you have a partner living with you, offering support to you, Moominmamma?  Self care is vital... .do you do anything to refill your personal stores?  Is your daughter's other parent involved in her life?

Please write more of your story when you are able, Moominmamma.  It truly can be cathartic, particularly knowing that there are others out there that understand, that have been there, too, and we really "get it".  You are not alone in this scary journey, Moominmamma... .please stay with us and let us support you, while you in turn support others, sometimes simply by bravely sharing your own story... .

  MomMae

[Good2behere]

Hi, I'm a newbie, too. I have been mostly reading here. After several weeks of that, I felt like I was on a good site and have begun to post.

While the stories of what people go through are extreme, I haven't felt like the opinions that people express here are extreme. It's really nice to feel safe in that respect, when so much of our lives have gone to extremes.

My daughter was diagnosed as borderline (/schizoaffective in her case) by an ER psychiatrist as well, when she was 21. She's 24, now, and has come a long way, and things seem to be stable for the time being.

G2

[Moominmamma]

Thank you for making me feel welcome here, and sorry I didn't get back on here sooner to thank those of you who responded. It's been a turbulent month, and I've been struggling to stay on top of things.

I'm not sure if I'm doing this right (still finding my feet with the forum, and how it all works!)

In answer to various questions, my daughter has now been in psychiatric hospital for over 6 months, with no end in sight.  There has been little, if any improvement, in her condition since her admission, and she continues to feel suicidal. She self harms extensively, even while in hospital, and has such a low sense of her own self worth. I know that most of the time she would rather not be alive, and that is hard to bear.

With regards to the ECT, this has continued up til now, but my daughter (J) has now decided to stop. She can't bear how it makes her feel, and we haven't seen any real improvement from such an invasive treatment. It has destroyed her short-term memory, which really frightens J.

I live alone, though my son has just finished University and is back home with me temporarily (maybe?). He struggles too with what his sister is going through. J's Dad lives locally, but isn't much help (that's the polite way of putting it ) It can be hard to deal with what gets thrown at me, and I never really know what that's going to be.  J has been home for a few hours here and there, and I'm allowed to take her out, when she can cope and isn't in too much of a state of anxiety.

To be honest, I am reaching a point of desperation. The MH professionals at the hospital are at a loss to know what to do to help J. She seems to be resistant to medication, the ECT hasn't worked and they have, by their own admission, run out of ideas.  Nothing is helping, and I would love to find another way to help J - an alternative, or different approach to recovery - but I have no idea where to start.  Should I start a new thread about this?

Anyway, thanks again for your welcome.

x

[Feeling Better]

Oh Moominmamma, no need to apologise for not getting back here sooner, we all understand that it’s not always easy, especially when there is so much emotional stuff going on in our lives. I recently had to step back for a while to try and regain focus. I have since learned a new saying from wendydarling and I intend to use it as often as possible. Life is not linear. That speaks volumes to me and I hope that it does to you too 

I can understand with everything that you are going through how desperate you must be feeling and my heart goes out to you 

I hope that you are taking care of yourself Moominmamma, I know how difficult it can be especially during difficult times, but your own self care is extremely important. You say that you are alone, that your son struggles with what your daughter is going through and her dad is of little help too, that must be really hard for you to deal with. Do you have any friends who you can talk to? Or other family members?

Keep posting and sharing and you will find the support here that you are looking for x 

[Rockieplace]

Hi there,

I'm so so sorry to hear your troubles.  I have a daughter (36) who has been in a secure unit for over 2 years and has self-harmed throughout so I'm afraid I am not able to offer a good news story.  However, I have learnt to accept the situation in a way that I would not have believed possible two years ago.  I think it is called radical acceptance.  I can also honestly say that I have been able to achieve a level of contentment that I also would never have believed I was capable of.  I was explaining this to a good friend and saying how guilty I felt about this.  She very wisely said that my contentment wasn't making my daughter any worse or any better which of course is true.

It does get easier and I do know that things can change - change of meds, DBT or something and people do recover enough to lead successful lives with this diagnosis.

This forum was a great help to me and continues to be so.  I hope it is for you too.

   

[wendydarling]

Hi Moominmamma

I too am sorry to hear of your troubles and the pain your dear daughter is going through is devastating for you.

I want to share a piece on radical acceptance Rockieplace referred to, I too found it helpful, especially when my DD was suicidal and I was thrown into a place of living in constant fear. Are you familiar with radical acceptance? 1.06 Radical Acceptance Family Members (DBT Skill)

Rockieplace it's good to hear from you, though I'm very sad to hear there is no progress with your DD. I'm glad you have a friend who understands and is there for you, she is wise as you say and reaching contentment in such a difficult situation is self care.

Moominmamma have the medics provided any further advice, path forwards since you last posted?

WDx