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isilme
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« on: September 26, 2018, 12:04:17 AM » |
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Not a huge deal, just trying to not catch the latest cold, so I’m tired and I know that makes me less able to shrug things off.
H has been feeling poorly this last few days. Weather change, hadcold, not sure. He missed two days of work, so he’s mad. He passed a surprise something today, maybe a kidney stone, maybe a bladder stone. He is mad his diabetes check up is coming. He’s upset he’s not saved up vacation. He’s mad I haven’t been able to make him go to the optometrist yet (yes, read that aga8n). He’s mad a person thinks highly of him and asked for help writing a short screenplay, because it take time. He’s mad he’s not been keeping up with the leatherwork HE says he wants to do. He’s mad at a video game for being glitchy, and at it for him wasting time playing it. He’s mad at himself for not exercising.
And he’s mad at me for thinking he’d remember me and bring me dinner after meeting the screenplay friend in a restaurant tonight, even though I tried to dismiss it as soon as it was evident he decided to not give a crap, and told him it was late and I wasn’t sure what i wanted anyway and had some cereal. Low on points at least. Yeah, my feelings are a bit hurt. He is so full of his feelings, the idea I might want food brought to me for once escaped him. I have no idea how long he’d be, and he left in a foul mood, so I did not want to ask. He can sit with this guy till closing, talking about creative stuff, I want him to have this, and am not going to be accused of being a ‘nag’ for asking if I am allowed t9 expect dinner, if I text it will be seen as nagging him to come home, and I was busy sewing, which I kinda don’t like doing with him here, so no, I was fine with him being gone. I just wanted a baked potato, the only thing I ever eat there. I run all over town to make sure he has dinner he finds palatable. Heaven forbid a little quid pro quo, like I run 100 errands, he can run 3?
First meeting he asked, brought me what I wanted, was almost like hav8ng a normal person in a relationship. Second t8me, he brought me something weird I’ve never eaten apparently after 20 years eating at IHOP together he has no clue what I like, and it was undercooked chicken, I’d just had food poisoning, and had t9 toss it. Tonight, prolly out of fear of failure, he decided to ‘forget’ me, then tried to make it my fault he didn’t ask, text me before leaving to see if/what I might want.
Minor issues, just made me think of a thought from the Parents boards posts I’ve been writing lately. I am easily ignored or forgotten. I rank pretty low on the importance meter, just set Isilme and forget Isilme, she manages in her own.
As I said, I’m tired, mild fever, mild migraine, pretty stressful at work today, he griped at me for having to stay 30 min late. Feelings just raw, hard to rationalize them away. Anyway. Heading to bed, see if he lets me sleep.
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