Let's get to know each other better. Discussion about our personality types

[Enabler]

I guess that makes you a pretty unreactive-non as well.

I don't know whether my ESTJ-T makes me predetermined to being reactive or not but my W just had to light the touch paper and I was off like a rocket matching her emotional intensity like a shot... .although maybe the same ESTJ-T traits meant I could get my sh!t together once I understood how to rationalise the behaviour.

[Cat Familiar]

I agree with Cat and Tattered that it's quirky enough being an INTJ, but it's also very odd for a woman, and yes, it does make it harder to fit in with other women... .except maybe the ones who are of similar type. It's not that we don't have the ability to feel things, it's just that we tend to be private about it, or not really showcase our feelings in most settings, or with most people.

So true. The last thing I want to do is to air my feelings in public--that just seems so incredibly vulnerable like a dog rolling over and showing its belly. No thanks.

Here's a bit of humor: I once saw a funny meme that said "I'm not a remorseless psychopath, I'm just an INTJ!" This because we are apparently Spock like creatures who feel nothing. (Not entirely true.)

Love it! I've been called "robot woman".

We have some important documentation that we need to work on together, and while he DID reluctantly cooperate with it, he used the time that he knew I was a captive audience to tell me over and over again that I was a psychopath, and vast and sundry other horrific insults. Keeping him on task was... .difficult. He just wanted to insult and provoke me. I was surprised at how dysregulated and angry he still is even after I moved out 3.5 months ago (at his demand) and haven't said a harsh or argumentative word to him since. I actually don't get it. He has gotten WORSE.

How awful!     I think perhaps because he hasn't had you as a target for his dysregulations for months, so he's been saving them up.   I can imagine how it must have felt simultaneously humorous, frightening about his mental state, bizarre, and sad.

A fellow "psychopath" understands. 

[formflier]

I get accused of "being robotic" as well.

FF

[Red5]

So Red5 took the test ... .

And it says... .CAMPAIGNER PERSONALITY (ENFP, -A/-T)

"The Campaigner personality is a true free spirit."... .yup that's Red5!

"They are often the life of the party", .he he he... .yeah, ie' "typhoon party on Okinawa"?

... ."but unlike types in the Explorer Role group, campaigners are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others."... .yes, I agree with this, I do like to meet new people, and to make new friends, and to find mutual "camaraderie" with strangers... .yeah, "that's me"

"Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate, the 7% of the population that they comprise can certainly be felt in any crowd."... .charming? ... ."independent" oh' h3ll yes!... ."energetic and compassionate"?... .yes, I think I am, depends on the moment, .I am a "helper", I like to help others succeed, I am a "fixer' (?)... .and I don't like to take ANY credit (attention) for anything, no way, give that to someone else... .

"Good Show" !

... .pretty much "spot on"... .the whole report was,

Thanks for the link Formflier !

Red5

[zachira]

Cat Familiar,
Being a woman that frequently tests as a NT, I have often found it easier to get along with men than women. The four NT personalities love to learn. I often have experienced women boring me with endless details about how unhappy they are in all their relationships in life whether friends or family. Now that I better understand my family dynamics, I realize at certain points in my life I was attracted to women who complained endlessly because they were unhappy people just like my mother and sister who are both BPD and NPD. I now seek different types of women to be around, and enjoy listening to women talk about the joys of being happily married and having children they love, and also seek out women who are able to talk about more intellectual interests. Growing up, I was close to my father when I was a teenager, and rejected by my mother. I am still learning to value myself as a woman, and not be one of those that values men more than women, a common dynamic in many cultures where men are considered to be superior to women.

[I Am Redeemed]

Sorry for the delayed reply... .accounting class drawing to a close 

ISFJ the Defender, Turbulent style (which means sensitive to stress- yep)

The Defender personality is quite unique, as many of their qualities defy the definition of their individual traits. Though sensitive, Defenders have excellent analytical abilities; though reserved, they have well-developed people skills, and though they are generally a conservative type, Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas.

Totally agree. I feel lots of strong emotion, but I am constantly analyzing my feelings, and those of other people.

I do have people skills (I have to, I have a job where I deal directly with the public on a daily basis) but it takes a lot of my energy. I am drained by all the interaction. Some people thoroughly enjoy conversing and interacting with people- it takes all I have and mostly I just fake my way through it. I feel so much better when I can get home and not have to be around anybody except s2 for a while.

I am pretty resistant to change sometimes, because I get anxious about it, but if it is for the right reason, or it is a change for the better, I can go with it. I'm pretty adaptable.

Defender personalities, especially Turbulent ones, are meticulous to the point of perfectionism, and though they procrastinate, they can always be relied on to get the job done on time.

That is definitely me. I might put something off, but usually it's because I am trying to take the perfect approach to it and then I will obsess over every detail until it's right. When the pressure is on to make it by the deadline, I make it every time.

Defenders take their responsibilities personally, consistently going above and beyond, doing everything they can to exceed expectations and delight others, at work and at home.

This is true both for what are actually my responsibilities and what I perceive to be my responsibilities-such as the feelings and well-being of another person. This is why I consistently give and give and take care of and take care of until I am absolutely exhausted from the effort.

Naturally social, an odd quality for introverts, Defenders utilize excellent memories not to retain data and trivia but to remember people and details about their lives.

Partially true. I know almost all my co-worker's birthdays (without using Facebook to cheat). But I do not consider myself naturally social. I scored 100 percent on the Introverted scale.

Traits I totally agree with:

Supportive. Defenders are the "universal helpers" who strive for "win-win" situations.

Meticulous and Careful. Defenders not only ensure that things are done to the highest standard but often go well beyond what is required.

Imaginative and Observant. Defenders have a "practical imagination" and use this quality as an accessory to empathy, observing others' emotional states and seeing things from their perspective.

Enthusiastic. Defenders strive to make a difference in others' lives, whether it is in a big way or a small way.

Loyal and Hard-working. Over time, loyalty develops and Defenders often form emotional attachments to the ideas and organizations to which they dedicate themselves.

Good Practical Sense. Defenders have the practical sense to actually do something with all their altruism, however, sometimes their ability to believe the best in people and to constantly help and give to others causes people to take advantage of them, knowingly or unknowingly.

Take things too Personally. Defenders have trouble separating personal and impersonal situations. Any negativity from conflict or criticism can affect them.

Some things I didn't necessarily find to be true of me:

Reliable and Patient. Reliable, yes, patient, not so much. I can be patient for a while in some situations, but sometimes frustration and impatience burst forth and it's hard to control.

Natural Parents. Some Defenders feel that parenting was the task they were born for. Not me, I struggled with it mightily at first, and still do. I love my kids very much, and I am a loving and nurturing parent, but I was never a person who was at ease with children. I never thought I would have kids at all when I was younger. I didn't even have an interest in the idea of having kids until I was in my late twenties. I certainly never expected that I would have six kids. But, since becoming a mom, I have constantly tried to learn and grow and be the best parent that I can be. One of my biggest fears is that I will mess my kids up and they will end up in therapy one day talking about the damage their mom caused to them... .or on a website like this one... .

Other traits that ring very true:

Repress their feelings. Defenders protect others' feelings as well as their own, and this lack of healthy emotional expression can lead to a lot of stress and frustration, and may erupt in massive verbal attacks that all the future regret in the world won't blunt

---Guilty---

Overload themselves. Their strong sense of duty and perfectionism combined with an aversion to emotional conflict creates a situation where is far too easy for Defenders to overload themselves- or to be overloaded by others- as they struggle silently to meet everyone's expectations,especially their own.

---That is so me that it is scary----



Overall I think this is very, very accurate and explains why I struggle and have difficulty in certain areas- particularly in separating what is and is not my "problem" to fix or solve, and also in setting boundaries.

The Defender falls into the "Sentinel" category with Logisticians, Executives, and Consuls. We seek order, stability, security, and we work hard to maintain the way of things. We have a grounded approach, and prefer proven methods and honest accomplishment to self-indulgent exploration and esoteric ideas. We are happiest without drama and inconsistent people can test Sentinels' tolerance and provoke harsh judgment (wow, BPD).

Yes, yes, that is me, kind of weird for someone who scored in the "Feeling" range, but it is true.


Redeemed

[Long_term_dad]

In other threads, personality types have come up.  I chuckle as I read mine and it would appear that most others on these boards that "know me" go... "yep... makes sense.  That's FF."


I won't "out" the others, although I certainly hope they come here and post.  I'll start in the next thread with my personality type and perhaps I'll offer a few comments on how my "type" benefits and challenges my in my relationships.

Then perhaps expand it to the same question benefits and challenges in a "BPD" relationship.

FF

I'm MEDIATOR (INFP-A)

[Cat Familiar]

I am still learning to value myself as a woman, and not be one of those that values men more than women, a common dynamic in many cultures where men are considered to be superior to women.

I finally figured out that just because I don't easily fit in this culture's modality of what a woman is "supposed to be" that I'm fine with being an outlier. And accepting that quality in myself has somehow attracted a bunch of other outlier women friends.

It was brutal growing up and not fitting the mold and being relentlessly criticized by peers for being different. But now I realize that it gave me great personal strength to be able to swim against the current when I felt so inclined.

[formflier]

It was brutal growing up and not fitting the mold and being relentlessly criticized by peers for being different. But now I realize that it gave me great personal strength to be able to swim against the current when I felt so inclined.

This describes my oldest daughter.  She "dabbled" in a few of the regular things that girls did (one season high school cheer, one season track, one season (fill in the blank) yet she was consistent with her horses and she was consistent with a group of "outlier" friends.  If you looked at the group it was really hard to find a common theme... other than "outlier"

Oldest daughter also has my "stubborn" streak.  She would stand up for her friends when they were picked on and also stand up to idiot boys that approached her in odd ways (cat calling... etc etc)

FF

[why-how-whatnow]

Hello bpdfamily,

I didn't expect to make a first post on this particular board, but this was really interesting stuff.

I'm INFP-A the "Mediator". 

This seems to explain a lot about why I am where I am right now. Why I've hung on and stayed stuck for so long. At least a couple of years worth of devaluation too long, reluctant to face the reality of what is, vs. believing that things aren't as bad as they seem in the moment.

[formflier]

!

I'm glad you picked this thread to jump into.  Also sad to hear that you think you have hung on for a couple years too long.  Whenever you feel up to it, I'd like to listen to more details.

You've found a safe place to share your story, I know there are others that would like to listen as well.

Best,

FF

[juju2]

I totally get you.   Am INFP too... .

And now that have been in al anon, and looking at my character defects, can work on the things i dont want in myself.  I can work on them because now I see them... .

Sincerely,
j