No Thanksgiving message from pwBPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

As many of you know, the pwBPD in my life is a former friend.  In early September, she impulsively got engaged.  She asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I declined for several reasons.  She said she was okay with me not being a bridesmaid and that all that really mattered was that I was going to the wedding.  But as it turns out, she wasn't really okay with it, and ultimately, she uninvited me, blocked my number, and told me to never talk to her again.  I had already sent her birthday presents in the mail, so I did send her an FYI email two days later to let her know that I had already sent them.  She had calmed down enough by then to reply to me and to tell me that she would send a thank you card and that she wished me well.  She never sent the card, but I didn't really expect her to. 

Fast forward to the end of October.  For the second time in three months, her fiance tried to commit suicide (the first time was when she broke up with him in July).  Her mom updated me about what was going on and told me that the engagement was off.  I sent her an email, just telling her that I hoped she everything was okay with her and that I was thinking of her.  She replied back, saying she was okay and thanking me for thinking of her.  I told her I appreciated the reply and just left it at that. 

About a week ago, I decided to try emailing her again, and I got no reply.  It was just about a video game that we both enjoy playing.  I decided to send her a short "Happy Thanksgiving" email, and I also got no reply to that.  In the past, no matter what, even when we weren't friends, she would always send me a message on a holiday. 

After I heard from her last month, I guess I was hoping that we could work out our problems and eventually become friends again, but I'm starting to think that it really is over this time. 

[SummerStorm]

As many of you know, the pwBPD in my life is a former friend.  In early September, she impulsively got engaged.  She asked me to be a bridesmaid, and I declined for several reasons.  She said she was okay with me not being a bridesmaid and that all that really mattered was that I was going to the wedding.  But as it turns out, she wasn't really okay with it, and ultimately, she uninvited me, blocked my number, and told me to never talk to her again.  I had already sent her birthday presents in the mail, so I did send her an FYI email two days later to let her know that I had already sent them.  She had calmed down enough by then to reply to me and to tell me that she would send a thank you card and that she wished me well.  She never sent the card, but I didn't really expect her to. 

Fast forward to the end of October.  For the second time in three months, her fiance tried to commit suicide (the first time was when she broke up with him in July).  Her mom updated me about what was going on and told me that the engagement was off.  I sent her an email, just telling her that I hoped she everything was okay with her and that I was thinking of her.  She replied back, saying she was okay and thanking me for thinking of her.  I told her I appreciated the reply and just left it at that. 

About a week ago, I decided to try emailing her again, and I got no reply.  It was just about a video game that we both enjoy playing.  I decided to send her a short "Happy Thanksgiving" email, and I also got no reply to that.  In the past, no matter what, even when we weren't friends, she would always send me a message on a holiday. 

After I heard from her last month, I guess I was hoping that we could work out our problems and eventually become friends again, but I'm starting to think that it really is over this time. 

[Notwendy]

Summer Storm- there is no way to tell what your friend thinks about your friendship- whether it is on or off. It may also be that her feelings change to on/off again.

From your posts, it seems to me that the relationship is more due to your efforts than to hers.

The question - is the relationship over or not can be answered by each of you. If you are willing to continue leaving that decision to her, and are willing to wait this out- then the answer isn't known. She may come back into your life from time to time, or may not, but yo know the pattern by now- she's in, she's out, she responds, she does not. In this situation, you will be wondering and waiting for her to decide to respond. If you are OK with this, then the relationship future is unknown but maybe not over.  

If you are not OK with the relationship being on her terms, and you don't want to put your emotions into a friendship with someone who may not return your friendly gestures, then you can decide it is not something you wish to pursue. I don't think this needs any kind of "ending" or declaration of ending. You can simply decide to move on with your feelings and heal emotionally.

She may reach out to you in the aftermath of this recent traumatic experience, but then you would also have to consider if you have a rebound situation where she needs comfort from someone or if you want a friendship with someone for the long run.