Visit from daughter with follow up response

[Music Ace]

Our undD28 showed up at our house on Sunday for the first time in over a year I believe. She had sent her dad a couple of very angry emails earlier in the morning.

When she was at our house (not her childhood home, we moved 7 years ago), I thought there was some good communication ... .but perhaps I'm only seeing it from my perspective.

 I regret not asking why she was there. I feel I may have missed an opportunity to truly hear her. And therefore recognize that I made assumptions as well as to what needed to be addressed.  She came for her,  we made it about us. I remembered to ask a couple of things ... .but ... .although I did OK for no prep (um - I had shampoo in my hair!).

I sent a note the next day via her 'new' cell number that she had used to text me in desperation but she didn't respond.

She did respond to her dad's thanks for coming email by saying that she didn't know if she could do it ... .if she could manage a relationship with him/me/us? when she didn't know if she could trust us to be there for her, when she really needed us.

I sent a slightly modified email of my text today. But now as writing my thoughts above, I could have said more ... .maybe it was not to be today.

Here is what I sent ... .I still think it's ok.

It must have taken so much to come Sunday. I heard dad listening and getting what you had to say. I understand, now, even more of what you're dealing with and what you've had to deal with. I'm glad you keep reminding us you're an adult. We both respect how much you have done, even if I/we don't express it well. Tim truly would be proud.


I want to say I hope the withdrawals have settled, but I know, no matter what,  they can't be easy. I hope they are where you expect to be. 


I love you lots


Mom

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi Ace,

Thanks for sharing more of the events of that day. I'm glad you feel good about the interaction with you DD. Since you said you still had shampoo in your hair, I'm guessing you had no prior notice of her arrival. It must have been difficult to think on your toes, so to speak!

When she was at our house (not her childhood home, we moved 7 years ago), I thought there was some good communication ... .but perhaps I'm only seeing it from my perspective.

Any insight into how she felt the visit went?

I regret not asking why she was there. I feel I may have missed an opportunity to truly hear her. And therefore recognize that I made assumptions as well as to what needed to be addressed.  She came for her,  we made it about us.

Even though you didn't ask why she was there, did she tell you why she was there? In other words, how do you know "she came for her"?

I sent a slightly modified email of my text today. But now as writing my thoughts above, I could have said more ... .maybe it was not to be today.

There's always "next time"     

~ OH