Devastated, 25 y/o son diagnosed w/ BPD. Is there hope?

[FaithHopeLove]

My son has been diagnosed with BPD
 I am devastated. He is 25. His girlfriend of 8 years just broke up with him. He was recently hospitalized (involuntarily) for self harm. He sells weed for a living. I have done all I can to help him have a better life. I am in therapy and active in a faith based community. I am looking for hope. Is there any?
 
 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello FaithHopeLove and welcome to BPD Family  

I'm new here and struggling myself but wanted to welcome you here and tell you yes, there is hope. I'm learning that the change must first come from the way I interact with my DD25 (25 year-old-daughter) and I'm also learning that I'm good at it some days and terrible at it other days.

I'm happy to hear you're in therapy and have the support of your faith-based community. You will also find great support here.

Can you tell us more about your son? Is he living with you? Knowing details, as you're willing to share, will help the Family with knowing how to support you.

We are here for you, with you. You are not alone.

~ OH

[bluek9]

Hi FaithHopeLove KC 

    I join OH in welcoming you to this place. For me there is always hope, I believe my higher power on that, He has never let me down. I also echo OH in the fact that I too have good days and get it right, and then I have really bad days and it's all wrong! This learning process is on going; for me meaning as long as I love my child(which will be forever) I will be learning and growing right beside her. I've been here for a year, my D is 36 and this place has saved my sanity so many times. In this situation that we find ourselves as parents of BPD kids, again I repeat what OH has said "the change must first come from the way we interact with our kids".
  It's awfully hard this world of mental illness but, there is help, support, encouragement and yes laughter in this place. In no way do I trivialize your pain, it is real and it hurts so bad to the bone. So many of us here can attest to that, so while I cannot feel your pain, I do know it too. I'm so very sorry that you have had to find us but, I'm also glad you are here. There is so much here to learn, so much to talk about, it can be overwhelming so stay with us. Keep posting, share, you will find other parents here who totally understand.   As a community we all share so many similar situations, there are so many things our kids go through, do, experiment with. Just to list a few: drug use or interaction in some way, impulsive behavior, self harm, poor relationships, poor decisions, finances... .Hang in there FHLKC. My hope this that your devastation will heal.   

[Merlot]

Hi FaithHopeLove

Im glad you are here sharing with us. Parents here will totally relate.

You say you have been trying to help him have a better life. Have certain things been working well for you in this regard?

My DD27 was diagnosed three years ago and I also tried to help her have a better life. It turns out that I was rescuing her and destroying me. I came here is crisis after she cut me out 11 months ago.

I have been confronted by the by the diagnosis of BPD but it has brought me here to these wonderful people and helped me learn anout stepping back and thinking about boundaries and different ways of communicating.

A critical lesson was learning that I cant change them, only me.

Please kepp sharing with us. As OH suggests we would love to hear more about your experience.

Take care
Merlot

[FaithHopeLove]

Thank you OH
My son does not live with us. He used to but we had to throw him out last year because he was dealing weed (illegally) out of the basement and we can't accept that. He now has his own rented apartment. It is rented under his ex girlfriend's name. He really wants to buy a condo or co op and has the money to do that but not documents like pay stubs, tax returns etc. and, although we would contribute to the down payment,  we are not willing to cosign a mortgage or coop loan for him. The lease runs out in March so this is something we need to negotiate, and a reality he has to face.

[FaithHopeLove]

Thank you K9. Your encouragement matters to me.

[FaithHopeLove]

Thank you Merlot
What I mean by helping him to have a better life is learning more about BPD and treatment options, listening to him, encouraging him, and loving him. I hear what you are saying about the way "helping" can become enabling. It is hard to draw the line sometimes but I think his father and I are getting better at it.

[zachira]

I hear your concern and heartbreak over your son receiving a BPD diagnosis. First of all, there is always hope. No one person with BPD is exactly the same, and each will respond individually to the diagnosis. Through therapy and awareness, a lot can be done, and there are people who say they have cured themselves of BPD. Marsha Linehan, the found of DBT therapy, the most widely recognized successful therapy for BPD, says she once had BPD. If he is using weed, then this will not allow for him to be motivated to do anything for his recovery.  Recovery and/or good maintenance of reduction of the most distressing symptoms, is multi-faceted and can require the treatment of many different challenges such as drug use, depression, anger management, and so forth. Keep us posted on how you are doing and how things are going with your son. We are here to listen and help.