My only child has BPD traits

[foreverhopeful2]

I'm new to message boards but my child's therapist recommended that I get more support so I'm going to try it.

My child was diagnosed with severe depression with psychotic effects and anxiety 2 1/2 years ago and we immediately began getting her resources to help her.  We've been on a path that has included intense trauma therapy, multiple pharmaceuticals and over 7 hospitalizations.

Last month, my child attempted suicide again and for the first time the psychiatric team told me they suspected BPD.  This was devastating to our family.  We haven't discussed with my child what has been said about BPD and because she's not 18, they won't diagnosis her with BPD.  We did discuss that the treatment plan we've been on isn't working and we want to try a new treatment plan.  My child is open to trying a new treatment plan and we've already changed most of her medication.  She is still at an inpatient facility and this hospitalization is nearing 5 weeks. 

I was hoping for insight on how to best use DBT to help her control her impulsive behavior and chronic suicidal actions.  When she comes home, we will have a family therapist and she is signed up for weekly DBT treatment classes.  I have started reading all the recommended books and am looking for my own therapist.

For almost 3 years, she has held our family hostage with her threats and attempts of suicide.  We now have to change our complete mindset on how to respond to her threats, needs and behavior.  I'm going to be honest and tell you, I have created very harmful patterns with her by trying to protect, "fix" and make it all better. 

Please just let me know there is light at the end of this journey. 

 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[zachira]

There is light at the end of the journey. You are taking the most important steps to help your daughter, yourself, and family by learning DBT so you can support your daughter, and making plans to go to therapy yourself. You can not control your daughter's spiraling out of control emotionally, yet you can control how you respond and how much it affects you. By being less drawn into her emotional system, you will hopefully help your daughter to take more personal responsibility for her behaviors, and you will be calmer and happier overall no matter what happens,, and a role model for the rest of the family on how to respond to difficult situations and people.

[Only Human]

Hello Foreverhopeful2 

Welcome to BPD Family. As zachira said, you're taking the most important steps to help your daughter.

The fact your daughter (DD) is open to trying a new treatment plan is so great, odds of success are definitely increased with acceptance and a desire to learn ways to improve her life.

It really sounds like you and your family have been through a lot and being told your DD has traits of BPD can truly be devastating. I'm glad you have taken the advice of your therapist and sought out more support. Being part of the BPD Family has brought comfort and hope to me and so manyothers. I'm glad you're here.

I'm going to be honest and tell you, I have created very harmful patterns with her by trying to protect, "fix" and make it all better. 

Many parents here, myself included, will tell you they have behaved similarly. It's natural to want to help our children, ease their suffering. When I was new here I remember being told, "You did the best you could with what you knew, and when you knew better, you did better."

We now have to change our complete mindset on how to respond to her threats, needs and behavior.

You're right about that, and it's only recently that I have surrendered to this realization. You're ahead of the ball and it's clear you are willing to do what it takes to support your DD. 

I encourage you to keep posting, read and participate in other's threads, become part of the family.

Yes, there is hope at the end of the journey. It won't be quick and it will often be challenging. But we've got you.

How old is your daughter?