You are pretty clear about your husband's behavior with his adult children and how you feel like a fifth wheel. And you sense that your utility for him is related to the housekeeping services you provide.
His expressions of anger have caused you to lose your compassion for him and now you're wondering what is worthwhile in this relationship.
What do you believe is keeping you in this marriage?
To be honest, as someone here said, I am accustomed to the financial security. H provides a level of comfort that I like, so tolerating his dysregulations is the price I pay. I now know it's the BPD talking. Inside, H is just a co ward of a man, the kind of man who would try to bully his wife into doing things, all the while tolerating the abuse from his adult children. They all suck up to him when the want things: vacations, luxury items, things for the grandchildren, etc. If he does not capitulate, they blackmail him: they will never come to visit anymore, he cannot see the grandchildren, etc.
I am well aware of the price I pay. I just wish it was not so.