Slight Worry with Oldest Son

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have always been slight worried about my oldest son. In some ways, it was quite colic as a newborn. He would scream his lungs out (kick and scream) then in a single heartbeat just be still and normal.

But recently he had a little spat and he was definitely having a moment during the day. He is only 7 and it culminated with a bit of pouting in the corner then, yelling at me saying I am "forcing him to talk". What caught me was the strength and loudness of his voice. It was also the dissociation from feeling and fact (well as it seemed) as I was in no way trying to get him to communicate with us. I told him to take his time and when he wanted to talk about things we could. Eventually we worked through it, but at times it feels like it was a bit of gaslighting-- as he was trying to fight through his emotions and logic.

But this is a common (well it occurs) ability with him. He seems at times get lost in a feeling of something--maybe a paranoia or a this is what is going to happen cause i can feel it. He argues the feeling and it is quite strange.

It is all fairly easy though, I mean he is little so I don't take it personally and easy to stay grounded. Contrary to the Ex which I obviously at the time held her to a higher standard  of morality and ownership of oneself. It's interesting. I am not sure where to go from here, but thought I would share and see if any others have children the same.

*** the younger child is totally easy, a bit emotional but he owns it.

[tryingsome]

I have always been slight worried about my oldest son. In some ways, it was quite colic as a newborn. He would scream his lungs out (kick and scream) then in a single heartbeat just be still and normal.

But recently he had a little spat and he was definitely having a moment during the day. He is only 7 and it culminated with a bit of pouting in the corner then, yelling at me saying I am "forcing him to talk". What caught me was the strength and loudness of his voice. It was also the dissociation from feeling and fact (well as it seemed) as I was in no way trying to get him to communicate with us. I told him to take his time and when he wanted to talk about things we could. Eventually we worked through it, but at times it feels like it was a bit of gaslighting-- as he was trying to fight through his emotions and logic.

But this is a common (well it occurs) ability with him. He seems at times get lost in a feeling of something--maybe a paranoia or a this is what is going to happen cause i can feel it. He argues the feeling and it is quite strange.

It is all fairly easy though, I mean he is little so I don't take it personally and easy to stay grounded. Contrary to the Ex which I obviously at the time held her to a higher standard  of morality and ownership of oneself. It's interesting. I am not sure where to go from here, but thought I would share and see if any others have children the same.

*** the younger child is totally easy, a bit emotional but he owns it.

[JNChell]

Hi, tryingsome. Your S7 has caused you concern. It sounds like he became quite irritated.  Being a fellow parent, I understand your concerns. My Son is 4.

It will help us if you can elaborate a little more on your individual situation. What is your best guess on why your S7 is acting out and then retracting? I’m also curious about him “gaslighting” you. Can you give us examples of this? What does he say?

Thanks for bringing your concerns here. Respond when you’re able.

[livednlearned]

He seems at times get lost in a feeling of something--maybe a paranoia or a this is what is going to happen cause i can feel it. He argues the feeling and it is quite strange.

Is his mom BPD?

[Turkish]

My S9 was colicy. He was diagnosed with ASD1 when hee was 6. I've learned that leaving him alone in his room to work things out I  his head works. He told me to leave him alone when he's angry.  After a while, I listened to him and it worked.  He needed his own time by himself.  The tantrums are rare now. I listened to him rather than trying to fix things. 

[ForeverDad]

Do the children see counselors?  I recall my lawyer telling me, "Courts love counseling!"  So if they're not in counseling because your Ex opposes it, family court almost surely would side with you.

Kids are different, as you've noted.  I have a distant relative who had a hard time handling stressful situations, fussy at birth too, turned out he had a sensory processing disorder where he struggled with all sorts of things, including the taste and texture of foods.  So if you have professionals involved then they may be able to determine whether gentle insight is enough or whether there are some deeper issues.