Son with BPD keeps talking about suicide

[FaithHopeLove]

Last night my DS24XBPD came over around midnite and slept in our basement. In the morning I heard him tell my husband " Every day I feel horrible. I want to overdose on drugs one night and never come back." If you have been reading my posts you know he says this all the time. I have no clue what to do if anything. My husband kept trying to talk with him and was standing over him and seemed to not be letting him leave. So I asked H to sit down which he did and then asked DS what he wanted. DS said he wanted to go back to his apartment and did. I told H to just let him go.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

P.S. Now H tells me DS is on his way to the house of the person who robbed him at hunpoint. DS has a gun. He is going to demand his money back from this thug. H (we are both retired law enforcement) is going over to try to stop it. I am not sure what to do. Right now my instinct is to stay out of it. Thoughts?

[FaithHopeLove]

H now says DS has calmed down. Hopefully this situation can be resolved peacefully. But if not, I have no intention of adding to the problem.

[Elizabeth22]

Sorry, but your son has a gun and went to maybe shoot someone with it? And he is high all the time? And suicidal?
Do you think it's time for professional intervention? He could kill someone, if not himself.

[FaithHopeLove]

The time has long passed for intervention but he is 25 and cannot be forced into treatment. He was involuntarily hospitalized once due to cutting and slicing his wrist but that lasted 6 days and did not change much. On another occasion when he was talking suicide we did call 911. But when he got to the hospital he denied saying anything about suicide. So until he "hits bottom" whatever that may mean I dont know what else to do.

[Elizabeth22]

This sounds really dangerous. Good luck.

[Only Human]

Oh, Faith, what a frightening thing to be dealing with. I'm so sorry your day was filled with such drama. I think you were wise to "stay out of it," following your instinct, as you say.

It's so very difficult when our children refuse treatment, isn't it? As you know, my DD is the same. You've given me wise counsel here in my latest thread and you are "walking the talk" in your relationship with your DS. You know that you can't change your DS, or make everything all better for him, though that doesn't always help when we are feeling frightened for the safety of our children.

I wonder if DS's desire to confront one of his attackers was his misguided response to his SI. He was feeling down and, rather than continue to feel down, he made plans to do something that he thought would help him feel better, that he felt would put him in a position of control.  I'm glad he changed his mind.

I wish I had better words for you as your words have helped me so much lately, but I don't. I just have warm thoughts coming your way.

~ OH

[FaithHopeLove]

Thanks OH
I appreciate your support. I am also wondering if part of the drama was DS acting out toward his father. At any rate it seems things are quieter now.

[Only Human]

I'm not sure I understand this:

I am also wondering if part of the drama was DS acting out toward his father.

In response to something or in an effort to get a response to something? Geeze, my question is making me even more mixed up.

I'm glad things have calmed. As hard as we are working here, we are still human and it's not easy to be unaffected when storms are brewing around us. Hang in there, Faith 

~ OH

[FaithHopeLove]

I'm not sure I understand this:

In response to something or in an effort to get a response to something? Geeze, my question is making me even more mixed up.



~ OH

More like general acting out for God knows what reason. Tomorrow is DS birthday. Let's see how that goes.

[Lollypop]

Hi Faith

Goodness only knows just how much is asked of us sometimes, often all the time. I really admire you going with your gut on this and telling your husband to sit down and let him leave. That must have been so so hard

Every day I feel horrible. I want to overdose on drugs one night and never come back."

I’ve heard that too. Yes, it must feel horrible to rely on drugs and be in a life you don’t want. Obviously, it’d make you feel down or depressed. It doesn’t have to be this way for them though does it?  I used to say these words gently at the low points. Somehow, we have to find the patience for them to reach a point where they are motivated to change their situation positively.

I’m not sure there’s much else we can do but keep on working on a healthier relationship with them, gently passing responsibility for their own lives in their laps and finding ways to protect ourselves emotionally while they work things out.

Your son needs a purpose in life - you know it, he wants it too - he’s learning through the suffering. From my experience, life for most is about bumbling along without clear goals; happenchance events. While our  son chooses to remain in his situation, he’ll get more of the same. I find comfort in that fact - accepting it and sticking to truth helps keep us grounded. By not placing our son at the centre of our world, helped him grow but there’s a delicate balance to negotiate - walking besides while they deal with their lives and we demonstrate a good happier  life lived (so they learn how it’s done).

You’re great parents Faith. He’s very lucky to have you both. It’s his birthday - always a trigger for my DS (he reflects on his life and his failings).

How are you both today?

LP

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Wow, Lollypop
I relate so completely to everything you  said particularly the part about finding purpose in life. Finding my own purpose in life is what brought me out of depression when I was his age. I have faith he will find it one day but it will be on his time not ours. Meanwhile my H and I focus on us.
Thanks again wise Lollypop.

[Lollypop]

Hi Faith

Not always so wise   but committed to trying.

LP