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Only Human
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« Reply #30 on: June 13, 2019, 12:50:20 AM » |
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Thanks, Harri.
Things have been calmer around here since last week at this time. We had our Post Family-Dinner Talk on Sunday and it went well, though I found myself putting on my "advisor" hat when I should have been reaching for my "listener/validator" hat. I am a work in progress! I shared my concern that GS shows signs of ODD and both DD and her BF were interested in learning more. We looked at a web site with "tips," and one of them was, "Keep your emotions in check. If a child with ODD senses your anger, s/he will respond ten-fold," or something like that. I've noticed DD is working hard to keep her anger in check.
We agreed that this, below, is what we are working on presently. We are using positive reinforcement and praise. DD shared that when she gives GS positive reinforcement and/or praise, he will respond with an aggressive act. I suggested she power through, do it anyway, and send him on take-five when he responds aggressively. We talked about the importance of being consistent and agreed we all could be better at that.
In two or fewer requests, we'd like GS to:
Take-five (recently he's been running away, throwing things, screaming, hitting, kicking)
Clean up after himself (DD shared that she asks him nicely several times then gets fed up and starts screaming at him.)
Get ready to go. Dressed, shoes on, bathroom.
Begin wind-down (lately, just the mention of "wind-down" brings aggression and defiance.)
Stop yelling ("Please remember your inside voice.")
Stop running in the house ("Please remember your walking feet.")
GS is less defiant as DD is calmer. I have heard her yell at him only a handful of times and she refrained from the verbal abuse I've heard in the past. She didn't cuss him out, didn't call him names.
Do I believe DD is punching GS on top of his head? I don't know. He's almost five, so not the best judge of time. I believe she was punching him on top of the head last year when GS first told me that she was. I also believe it's possible that he's referring to that time when he talks about it.
As for the bruises on his shins; sadly, I think he might be doing that to himself. As he was trying to settle down for bedtime tonight, he got frustrated and punched himself in the legs a bunch of times. I distracted him, rather than address it, because I didn't know what to say.
As Turkish told me last year, a light has been shone on the problem (or something more eloquent than that!) and it's "out there."
When I got home after work tonight, DD was on the couch crying on the phone and GS was in his room, watching his tablet. GS told me, "Mommy's having a hard day," and DD shouted, "Don't I always have a hard day?" I didn't respond and she dropped it. GS and I went into my room and he played games on my computer. DD continued her phone conversation, alternately crying and raising her voice angrily, and I asked if I could put GS to bed. Wednesday evenings used to be Memaw and GS time but my work schedule makes it more difficult so we've dropped it for the most part. I do enjoy reading stories and tucking him in. DD responded, "Yes, thank you."
Our lawn guy comes on Thursdays and, after GS was in bed, DD and I set about moving things out of the way - a huge climbing dome, a large kiddie pool that had to be emptied and scrubbed, her many potted plants, various toys. She had returned to baseline.
Holy cow, I had a lot to say! As for my stress and anxiety, I, too, have returned to baseline
Thanks again for asking, Harri.
~ OH
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