Trying to figure out if my 23 year old son has BPD

[Livelaughlove70]

I just stumbled across this forum tonight, trying to research BPD. My son's counselor told me he thinks it's BPD. (Counselor hasn't said that to my son). My son doesn't see the need to even see his regular counselor, which the counselor would like him to go see a psychotherapist. Our son hit rock bottom, suicidal, about 2.5 years ago (bad break-up with his first girlfriend, quit his job). He saw a dr and started anti-depressant. He moved back home and "found God", which is exciting because we are Christians, also! However, he was fighting with, lashing out on me  since he had moved back. We saw the counselor together, BPD son was easily enraged for no obvious reason. He decided he needed to move out to smoke weed freely. (He had also stopped his anti-depressant cold turkey but still takes ADD med).  He just took a new position within the company he has been at for 1.5 years. He told his Boss he didn't like the other position. Boss created new position for him. Manager fired BPD son two weeks in. Now,  he's living alone, no money, no job and, scared away his two friends (they, of course. Had the problem attitude that he was trying to help them with). That's the abbreviated situation. It sounds like it fits BPD in many aspects? I don't know...son will not go to counselor. We are having difficulty speaking with him. I was reading about "invalidating" and, I'd say we are, unfortunately guilty of that. Our other two children (BPD son is middle), are happy, well-adjusted young adults.  Any advice on what to do first? I'm so worried, lost and confused!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[GaGrl]

We are so thankful you found this Forum. We have members on here who have had similar experiences. I do not not a child with BPD, but a number of parents do, and we can provide help and support.

I have a few questions --

What is the primary concern that is causing you stress right now?

Are you in therapy yourself? If so, has it helped you?

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello LLL
I am glad to meet you and sorry for the circumstances. You have come to the right place to get good information, help, and support and we are glad you are here. Your son's behavior sounds sadly familiar. My own 25 year old son has been diagnosed with BPD and also abuses drugs. He is currently in a psych ward because he is suicidal

 So I get it. This is tough. But together we can make it and find ways to help our children. You took a big first step in coming here and reaching out. Please be gentle with yourself as you learn more about this disorder and what we can do to help

Love
Faith

[Livelaughlove70]

Sorry, I'm not sure how to reply to each separate comment (this is my first reply). Faith-thank you for sharing. Yes, my son is abusing legalized marijuana, spending excessively, losing a great job opportunity (fired due to angry outburst), relationship challenges with anyone who says something he doesn't agree with, etc...He was suicidal 1.5 years ago. So we are very concerned about that.
GaGrl-The primary cause of stress is he just moved out on his own (again), just got fired from his great new job, told his friend off, and lives alone. All alone. He was suicidal 1.5 years ago, so we are concerned about that flaring up, as well.
We are not in therapy, as my son hasn't been "officially" diagnosed. His current psychologist wants him to go for a psych evaluation because he feels like it could be BPD. I have been going to the psychologist because, while my son was living with us, he would have angry outbursts, directed toward me, for no apparent reason.

[wendydarling]

Hi LLL   and welcome. I'm glad you found us.

I'm sorry your son is struggling right now and understand you are very concerned, you've been there before with suicidal episodes.   Me too. Can I ask what happened, how did your son get the help he needed at the time, he reached out, yes? How old is your son? My DD30 also had six months 'therapy' (unknown to me) before she hit crisis and was diagnosed. The 'therapy' was not helpful as the therapist was not a BPD specialist. DD needed specialist treatment for BPD, she chose DBT. So at the moment your son's not taking up his psychologists suggestion of a psych evaluation?

We are having difficulty speaking with him

In what way?

WDx

[Livelaughlove70]

Our son called us crying on the phone to come get him because he was in "a very dark place." (This was all preceded by a really bad break up with a girl he loved; he also worked with her. He ended up quitting his job because he couldn't see her). He later told us what he was going to do but he knew that we would always wonder what we, as his parents, "did wrong." He said we have been the best parents he could hope for...
My son has stopped seeing his current psychologist. He doesn't think that he needs help anymore, which is a great concern for us as parents. This psychologist has helped him, a lot! Helped him through our son's darkest hours of deep depression! Encouraged him in very positive ways. However, he has not yet told my son his recommendation because my son got angry at their last appointment a month ago and refuses to go back. That's where we are today. Although, we have been in contact with him and he doesn't appear to be depressed/suicidal. Thankfully!

[wendydarling]

LLL it's great to hear your son reached out to you when he was in a very dark place, he knows you are there for him, his psychologist who has helped him a lot is there too, despite not seeing them for a month, having got angry during a session.

I'm glad you've spoken with your son and he appears ok. I know how hard it must be for you standing back and wondering how he is going to manage. Has your son spoken of what his plan is, is he looking for work?

Have you read any books on BPD yet, I recognise this is all new to you. 

We are all walking with you Livelaughlove, you are not alone.  

WDx

[Livelaughlove70]

Thank you for the encouraging words. The counselor asked me to read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" to see if it sounds like my son. Many aspects definitely seem to be spot on. My son is out looking for a new job this week, thankfully. We are hoping and praying for the best possible outcome, as so many others are in a similar boat. It's hard to sit back and do, seemingly nothing