Part 3 BPD husband assaulted D16

[Notwendy]

Snowglobe- the family interactions in your family are long term- over several generations. I think you are doing the best you can considering the circumstances and becoming more aware, and learning. Unraveling at least 3 generations of dysfunction is a large task- take it one step at a time.

Your D is a teen age girl, and teens don't have a mature perspective. It's interesting that your H is turning his favors towards her- he gets the approval and admiration he likes. Keep in mind that you were also a teen when he won you over- because perhaps emotionally on some levels- he's also an impulsive teen ager, and a mature woman wouldn't be impressed. You've grown up now. I don't mean to suggest a sexual motive on his part, it just may be that he can impress a teen, and not you. In return, your D provides the admiration he likes.

Your D is also going through a stage of separation from you and forming her own identity. It's normal. She doesn't know who she is yet- she just knows she's not you, so she may distance herself from you, or disagree with your perspective to assert her own individuality. It's clear to her she's not a man, so she may not have this same behavior with her father. Lastly, their relationship is different from an intimate one. BPD affects the most intimate relationships the most. While some of his behavior with her is inexcusable, she's not in the same situation with him as you are.

What you need to do is not be reactive to her and remain a loving and stable parent with appropriate rules and boundaries with her. When she's older she may see things differently.

We can only do the best we can- one step at a time. You have been taking positive steps- through your education, becoming more aware of dysfunction and the patterns in your family. I hope you will continue to make positive steps.