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Author Topic: Lunch with SO  (Read 665 times)
Birddog
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: Married 21
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« on: September 13, 2019, 10:37:30 AM »
Taking SO to lunch while kids are in school and driving together.
We've been married for 21yrs.

For my accountability, a short list:

1. Be validating
2. Work on SET
3. Avoid initiating any discussions around Dx's
4. Thank her for lunch, be appreciative of her time
5. Be genuine with feelings
6. Avoid JADING
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Ozzie101
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« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2019, 10:47:54 AM »
Sounds like a good plan. Let us know how it goes!
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Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2019, 10:49:28 AM »
Best of luck to you Birddog!

Sounds like you have a good plan!

SH4
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Red5
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« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2019, 12:12:15 PM »
I like your checklist Birddog,

I actually write "checklists" for a living  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

Good luck, let us know how it went!

Kind Regards, Red5
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“We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see it as horrendous. Further, we tend to minimize that which we feel shameful about.” {Quote} Patrick J. Carnes / author,
Birddog
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« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2019, 12:47:37 PM »
Thanks SH4, Red, Ozzie,

Went okay,  some patterns and old habits are hard to break. First time been out solo in month.

Went through the normal stuff,  medical ailments, bills and finances, what to do with the kids, all topics that usually derail each of us, and send us into fight or flight mode.  Listened for a bit, reassured her cared,  let her know what I could and couldn't do to help, and asked if that made sense.  She let me initiate a couple other topics of my own, kept them short, brief.

Meal went fine, enjoyed each others company,  talked about some weekend plans, minor goals.

Got a hug, kiss at the end, and smile before she ran off to gym.
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Stillhopeful4
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« Reply #5 on: September 13, 2019, 01:30:57 PM »
Birddog,

That sounds good!  Congrats!

SH4
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Ozzie101
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« Reply #6 on: September 13, 2019, 01:37:55 PM »
That sounds like a positive meeting. Way to go! Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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Red5
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« Reply #7 on: September 13, 2019, 02:19:06 PM »
Perfect !  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)
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“We are so used to our own history, we do not see it as remarkable or out of the ordinary, whereas others might see it as horrendous. Further, we tend to minimize that which we feel shameful about.” {Quote} Patrick J. Carnes / author,
Birddog
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« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2019, 10:02:54 AM »
Red,

You might appreciate, did some self reflection years back,

Went through some vision statements, and governing values.

Like Covey’s 7 habits
Ben Franklins governing values
Dale Carnigie How to win Friend & Influence People

Been kind of kicking around idea of some lists to better self govern.

Person working with right now mentioned something like al anon 12 step, or finding men’s codependency groups, haven’t had a chance to explore yet.
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