BPD or pure evil?

[PantherRJ]

As I started my journey trying to understand what happened to my “fairytale relationship” and why things went down in 24 hours followed by 1 week silence treatment and discard, one thing comes to my mind...He’s totally able to fulfill his responsibilities (as a father, with his parents, with very few friends, employees and a brilliant carrier). If he’s able to control his “impulsivity” and ALL the BPD traces in different situations of his life, why he can’t control with his romantic partner?  I found an article: about Selective Competence described as “Demonstrating different levels of intelligence, memory, resourcefulness, strength or competence depending on the situation or environment”.
It doesn’t make sense to me.

[JNChell]

Hey there. I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this. Whatever his condition is, BPD, NPD or any of the other alphabet labels, the behavior has hurt you and has you confused.

Historically, these behaviors show up behind closed doors and are perpetuated on the people closest to them. Like you. A romantic partner. The social seen vs. at home can be mind bending.

What has he done? What happened between the two of you?

[Turkish]

The typical DV model is that abuse is a choice. Many of us have experienced verbal, emotional and physical violence that our partners only exhibit behind closed doors.  This isn't limited to BPD. It's survival, and what "works," based upon likely a long history of "what works." Emotional survival, and yes, it hurts whoever is a target. It's the dysfunctional coping mechanisms of a person who feels unworthy of love at their core. 

[PantherRJ]

What has he done? What happened between the two of you?

What has he done? What happened between the two of you?

What has he done? What happened between the two of you?

Thank you for your reply!

[jinglebells1989]

From what I understand a-lot of people feel that their BPD exs are sociopaths/psychopaths and it's understandable: BPD is in the same cluster of disorders as antisocial personality disorder which is the medical defined diagnosis for sociopathy. I really believe that when they're triggered they are capable of acting in ways that are identical to what a sociopath/psychopath would do when they're targeting someone.

To answer your question about why they can maintain and fulfill responsibilities in their day to day life but act so viciously and w/o conscious towards their intimate partners, it's because it's an emotional regulatory disorder. It's only triggered by intense feelings of intimacy. That's why when you try to tell others about what is going on, they won't believe you. That aspect is, in my opinion, the most devastating part of the disorder for NONs to deal with. I had my car vandalized on 4 different occasions, had a police report filed on me and am still being stalked by a woman, whom I only had a 3 month relationship with, now gong on a YEAR and 2 months. When I try to tell people in our same social circle about her? None of them believe me. In fact, they think that I'm the one who is crazy. It's sickening.

[Hisaccount]

It is a curse to be in a relationship with someone that has a personality disorder.

yes they function just fine in public. It is the act they put on so people don't see who they really are. A defense mechanism.

While at home, the ones they love the most get all of the garbage.

I would often say to my ex, "I wish you would treat me like a stranger"
Because they would get all the good from her, the smiles, the laughs, the happiness and I would get all of the garbage dumped on me.

I refer to my ex "the evil soul sucking vampire"  Don't give her that much thought anymore but when she took off that is what I labeled her as in my phone and it stuck.

[Cromwell]

It is even difficult in todays terms, and after all I have learned and went through to not see her social media and have it present itself as just a normal person. It helps to do so, it makes me understand the more so that I was not oblivious to the signs - they are not visible to a lay person, and even skilled people in this field often misdiagnose this illness and cant pick up on cues.

In order for "pure" evil to exist, there needs to be a relative "pure" goodness. I know in my relationship this just isnt the case, as much as if you asked what I thought of her at the start of the relationship "angel like" would have been up there. If I have to ask the question, it means I dont already know. "was she pure evil"? I did not hang around long enough to find out.

Does it matter if she is from a practical sense? I casted her out when she crossed the line of being 'too' evil for my standards and that is all there is to it.

[PantherRJ]

You are soo damn right! To be honest I’ve read everything I could, trying to understand what happened. After 30 days, I realized I was going nowhere only feeling pity about myself. Don’t take me wrong, I still believe they are evil. What kind of sick mind would abuse someone’s  love  in that way? Is cruel and damaging. But the game of my life is not about him! Is about me. Is about how I react. I can stay crying in bed forever grieving a piece of crap with no soul or I can wake up, make plans, exercise, read, eat healthy, work, travel, meditate, connect with good people...Every morning since then, I’ve a ritual: I look at myself in the mirror and I repeat 3 times: I’m responsible for my own happiness!  Then I sing at the top of my lungs: “I will survive”  song!

[PantherRJ]

“We are in hell right now, gentlemen believe me...
and we can stay here and get the s**t kicked out of us or we can fight our way back into the light.
We can climb out of hell.
One inch, at a time”
~Any Given Sunday movie - Al Pacino speech