I can't reach my daughter who has BPD

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello,
I am at a loss with my daughter who has BPD and will be 16 in April.

We have done a lot of therapy intervention for the past 3 years including family therapy, counselling, regular communication with school, social worker, psychiatrist and a 6 moth adolescent intensive services program with our Children's hospital that included a team of professionals.

So here I am after upward battle of 15 years in the exact same place. My daughter continues to struggle with emotional dysregulation, relationships, self-image and attending school. Consequences do not work. the only thing I don't do anymore is take her phone and the reason is because I'm afraid of what her reaction will be. She is prescribed a medication. I am a single parent and have been subjected to years of verbal, tormenting abuse by my daughter. Fortunately, this has reduced a lot in the past 6 months, however, it is reduced because I don't rock the boat anymore. I am scared that if I push too hard that she will explode. It's at the point where I can't even get her to go to school regularly.

As well, she admits to smoking marijuana, drinking alcohol and vaping and has been suspended from school for assaulting another student. No charges were laid.  I have talked to her about how all of this affects her mental health, but she is non-receptive. 

I don't know what else to do.

[Charlie2020]

Hello,
I am at a loss with my daughter who has BPD and will be 16 in April.

We have done a lot of therapy intervention for the past 3 years including family therapy, counselling, regular communication with school, social worker, psychiatrist and a 6 moth adolescent intensive services program with our Children's hospital that included a team of professionals.

So here I am after upward battle of 15 years in the exact same place. My daughter continues to struggle with emotional dysregulation, relationships, self-image and attending school. Consequences do not work. the only thing I don't do anymore is take her phone and the reason is because I'm afraid of what her reaction will be. She is prescribed a medication. I am a single parent and have been subjected to years of verbal, tormenting abuse by my daughter. Fortunately, this has reduced a lot in the past 6 months, however, it is reduced because I don't rock the boat anymore. I am scared that if I push too hard that she will explode. It's at the point where I can't even get her to go to school regularly.

As well, she admits to smoking marijuana, drinking alcohol and vaping and has been suspended from school for assaulting another student. No charges were laid.  I have talked to her about how all of this affects her mental health, but she is non-receptive. 

I don't know what else to do.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Done-er Stepdad]

I too cut myself down to size and bit my tongue to buy peace with a crazy person and it flat out didn't work. It emboldened her and made things worse.

You may as well just take care of yourself, establish strong boundaries, and wait for her to be receptive to help -which will probably involve lots of manipulation and false starts.