19yo DD stopped talking to me

[Couragetochange]

Two days ago, my 19yo DD with BPD suddenly stopped talking to me. I have no idea why. We went from our typical close relationship to nothing.

I spent hours reading posts here about the silent treatment. I'm following the advice of taking care of myself, saying that I'm here if she wants to talk (it's like talking to a statue), and trying really hard not to let it get to me.

It's so hard. I'm surprised. And hurt. Struggling to figure out how to make sense of it, when her biggest fear is abandonment and not being lovable. Trying to figure out if I should be worried about a downward spiral, and how I would even know.

Do I really just have to wait it out? I feel so helpless. From what I'm reading, this is likely about power. Should I expect that she'll eventually tell me what triggered the silent treatment?

I've had so much DBT training, and those skills don't seem too useful when the person won't even acknowledge your existence.

I guess I've been fortunate (from what I've read here) that she hasn't used the silent treatment before. She is still talking with her younger sister, so I guess that's good.

She returned to living at home 4 months ago to finish her h.s. credits and seemed to be doing really well. Taking care of herself, pleasant to be around, wanting to do stuff together, etc. She is adamant about complying with "stay at home" for COVID-19, and as far as I know is taking her meds and not self-medicating.

Background... first break was at 15, and ended up in several months of hospitalization. Several shorter hospitalizations, and two intensive treatment programs. She's had all kinds of testing, with varying dx of depression, generalized anxiety, bipolor unspecified, BPD, PTSD, and body dysmorphia. She identifies most with BPD and PTSD.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Couragetochange and welcome 

It's so hard when our children go silent, struggle to communicate, it hurts and leaves us wondering, asking all the questions you are   

With my DD I recognised she needed 'space' just to be, to work through her emotions, so I let her get on with it. Like your DD my DD knew I was there for her if she needed me. I did not consider her silence a power issue.

Do you think your DD's using her skills? Does she have ongoing support?

Welcome again, I'm glad you found us 

WDx