Distressing relationship with adult daughter

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi. I am hoping for support to better cope with a 45 year old daughter diagnosed with bpd many years ago.  She acknowledges struggling with anxiety and depression, but has always denied the bpd component of her illness.  She is hyper critical of me, highly irritable and negative. We see each other weekly for the most part and I’m consistently distressed after she leaves. Today she accused me of rolling my eyes at her at which time I was walking behind her with sunglasses on...

We were taking her pups for a walk and she abruptly picked up the pups and left. I am dreading contact with her and feeling very vulnerable to her behaviors. She has been physically aggressive in the past.  She refuses to take responsibility for her behaviors. I’m struggling with my own depression and don’t think I can tolerate this anymore.  The most disturbing thing is that the next day or next time we’re in contact she acts as if nothing has happened. This is insane and I’m too old for this anymore.

[Moshawn]

Hi. I am hoping for support to better cope with a 45 year old daughter diagnosed with bpd many years ago.  She acknowledges struggling with anxiety and depression, but has always denied the bpd component of her illness.  She is hyper critical of me, highly irritable and negative. We see each other weekly for the most part and I’m consistently distressed after she leaves. Today she accused me of rolling my eyes at her at which time I was walking behind her with sunglasses on...

We were taking her pups for a walk and she abruptly picked up the pups and left. I am dreading contact with her and feeling very vulnerable to her behaviors. She has been physically aggressive in the past.  She refuses to take responsibility for her behaviors. I’m struggling with my own depression and don’t think I can tolerate this anymore.  The most disturbing thing is that the next day or next time we’re in contact she acts as if nothing has happened. This is insane and I’m too old for this anymore.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome!
You are in the right place.  I take it your daughter does not live with you?  We can assist with helping you come up with boundaries if you'd like but my first suggestion would be you looking into the possibility of taking a break from the weekly meetings with her?  Your feelings, needs are as important as hers and if you feel you need a break you can decide for how long.  Maybe meet with her every 2 weeks, or even once a month.  You could also set up a boundary with her regarding what is to be discussed and if that boundary is crossed, you can be the one to cut off the meeting with her.  Or maybe you want to take a month long ( what ever time you decide) break.  You can convey that to her in that you need a time out .