Antisocial disorder spouse w/narsassitic tendencies

[Topherchef]

My wife of 11 years has decided she no longer wants to be in a relationship with me. She has said she has wanted to break up for a while and never really addressed the issue head on. Instead she has sporadically decided to begin the paper work of separation. I have been wanting to do counseling together for some time. I’m disappointed she went this route and now has another man in her life. I found out because my 9 year old children called me crying to tell me that mommy is kissing another boy. She has dedicated much time and attention towards this new puppy love in her life and cast me aside almost completely, asking me to move out of the house and creating a very u comfortable situation.
We did try couples counseling for 2 sessions and the counselor decided to inquire about our legal matter of how we will reconcile amicably or not and which ended our Counseling. She has cheated on me in the past and created 3 different affairs amidst our marriage and still maintains her relationships. I have done my share of cheating with out her knowing until recently for something that was done far in the past. I am happy that I have cleared my conscious with her and still feel that she has not with me. We are trying to work towards a friendship state as we do have 3 kids involved.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi Topherchef, and

this is a hard place to be in, no doubt.

never really addressed the issue head on.

what, as you see it, was the issue/s?

We are trying to work towards a friendship state as we do have 3 kids involved.

how has it been going? is she angry at you?

[Topherchef]

Well our relationship grew stagnant I work away from home for 4 weeks and home for 2. We started to bicker  like siblings, and I wanted to seek counseling to fix our approach towards each other. She has been very angry with me and has been very distracted with the new guy. He comes around the house and makes uncomfortable that she has only known him for a month to be bring him around the kids and making it seem like this is normal and okay.
She has temper tantrums and lashes out at me and really makes unnecessary drama over little issues.
There has been infidelity on both sides and we have gotten over that but I think this is to the point where she has taken it too far.
In her mind she has moved on. She says she still loves me but wants me out of the house. I’m very lost and confused and looking for an approach. Any guidance helps!

Thank you!

[once removed]

what do you want, in all of this?

do you want to save the relationship? do you want help trying to navigate the divorce process and the conflict surrounding it?

[Topherchef]

I would like to learn to cope with her as a friend to navigate through this and just be at peace. I wanted to save this relationship but I think she has for a long time been seeking validation in others. I went through her phone and saw how many guys she has been flirting with and sending pictures and receiving. I know there is nothing I can do to change her.

My concerns for the moment is navigating the separation(not sure if I want to proceed directly into divorce, although I know it would save a lot of time and money). I still want to move out of state. She is refusing to move with me. I have contacted a lawyer and want to ask for split custody at 6 month increments. I know she will not like my request but she can only walk the one way street for so long. I think establishing some goals and having a solid plan has been my best coping mechanism at the moment. Thank you for responding!