Advice for a father of a BPD daughter

[Moopy]

Hi,

I have a 24 y/o daughter with BPD and sm looking for advice on how to help her. Some background:
She has made suicide threats and does self harm. She has undergone a breakup if her boyfriend of 2 years. He has continued to be supportive but cant handle the threats and self harming. She got accepted to medical school but dropped out after one semester. In May her ex boyfriend showed me posts on a suicide forum and she was self harming. I did a forced hospitalization but they released her after 1 week. She then left to  Mexico.  She cut of all communicate with all of us. Only communicates with her ex boyfriend (constantly). she she will only accept them living together permanently. He doesnt want this.  He came to Mexico 8-13 june to support her but she has done a lot of self harming when he said he had to leave tomorrow (he lives in England). Me and her sister are off to try and see her now(uninvited). I leave 22 june but her sister has a flight back 12 july. Im hoping they can spend time together having fun.  Any advice on how to help her? Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[incadove]

Oh wow - that is very scary, to try to spend time together and enjoy each other when there is also self-harm and suicide ideation involved.  I think its very very important that your dd knows she can reach out to you when feeling suicidal, that you will throw a lifeline and help her either get treatment, or make a plan, or get medication or something that will give her some hope.  I do think that medication is in order when suicide ideation is serious - has she mentioned a plan? 

Myself I pull away when there is any self-harm and do not engage, I don't know what the right thing is to do there. 

I would definitely express to her that you value her and will always be there for her and are concerned for her safety, while also having a good time and bonding.

Is she able to express herself what she thinks would keep her safe, in the times when she is feeling better?

[Moopy]

Thnks so much with getting back to me. I appreciate it. Since a did the forced hospitalization she hasnt spoke to me. She was in there a week and they didnt do anything.  And left for Mexico the day after she got out. They didnt do anything..she is good at knowing what to say to get out. She is closer to her sister. Who is w me in Mexico now. They saw each other for dinner yesterday (not me) . Her (ex) bf leaves today so im hoping her sister can stay with her for a few weeks(i leave the 22nd but sister has a flight back on jul 12). Just trying to show her life is worth living. Thnks for letting me share

[incadove]

Hi Moopy how is it going?  I only go on this site occasionally (usually when I am having some issues of my own!) but please do share how things are and others will chime in too.

Suicide ideations are the hardest and scariest things to deal with I think.  Its kind of drop everything and first priority is to address that.  Is your daughter on any antidepressants?  I am not generally for medications but these were really important for my daughter when she had a severe depression with suicidal ideation.  For her it (prozac) really broke the cycle and let her cope with things, which then let her do things that make her feel better about her life. 

How are you doing to take care of yourself and stay balanced thru this?  I think you are on the right track to be consistent and caring, even if she is not speaking to you right now she will understand later that you really care and that is why you had her hospitalized.