hi NorthernMom,
Here is my experience, and thank you for asking.
I find it incredibly easy to walk away from my BPD'd step daughter. I don't know if it's because my Mom is also BPD'd and I spent the better half of two decades learning how to deal with this incredibly complex mental illness, or if that's just my personality.
I told my husband today "I'm really good at disappearing. It's a defensive mechanism." He said he would like to try that too, so in a way, I guess I'm a role model for showing him it's OK to tap out.
I said, when things get abusive, I have no problem at all walking away from someone and letting them find a new target. I think he does feel conflicted, and that he cannot just walk away. There's maybe some invisible force keeping him there (it is because its His daughter. Is it because that is what he's always done? I don't know). I guess that's where we're both at in our co-dependency journies, you might call them.
We are all at a different place, and knowing that the place you're at, and the place I'm at are both "Right" for us in this moment, is important.
Let me know what you find out in the way of tools or resources.
b
