16 Year Old Daughter - Toxic Relationship

[Peaceful Runner]

I have never posted on a site or message board before. My daughter is 16 and has borderline personality. It feels like nothing changes and we have so little hope for enjoying a relationship with her. It feels so toxic. I wouldn't let anyone else talk to me the way she does, attempt to manipulate or use me the ways she does and still maintain a relationship with them. I'm hoping all of you can share how you get through parenting every day with hope and love.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[squirrel20]

Our daughter is now 27 and started displaying her BPD at 16 as well.

She was not combative or confrontational, she was covert and went to dad’s side of the family who fell for her sobs stories. Needless to say, after years of many episodes, we are estranged from them. My husband’s side of the family is afflicted with many psych issues so they completely drink her kool-aid.

Our daughter  targets me and also targeted her former mother in law. She has difficulty staying at jobs (she’s highly educated, too), she’s a terror her relationships, and generally has started partying and drinking a lot.

I would seek a therapist for yourself to see and one for her since she is 16. We would have if we knew this was the issue back then.

We have been trained to disengage, use the SET method of communication, and we have very strict boundaries that she cannot cross. As a result, we don’t deal with her much. This is good because she’s very destructive and makes poor choices.

We were most recently estranged for a year after a major episode from her. We’ve seen her once and she’s now gone again.

Just be prepared for this pattern and get the support for yourself. It is tough and very frustrating. You’re in the right place.