I need advice desperately

[bhopeful]

My 21 year old son was diagnosed with BPD. He has these episodes that he cuts himself or bangs his head. He has threatened suicide and we have had him hospitalized 2x. He's seeing a psychiatrist but refuses therapy. He takes meds Wellbutrin and Remeron. He just started this new tirade that he hates us all [parents &siblings] we are against him and want to get him but he will make us pay. I've never been afraid but now I'm nervous. How do I make him understand we love him and going to the drs is for his own good. I'm so desperate I don't know how to help him or what the right thing to do is. Please please please someone give me advice I'm desperate

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi bhopeful:  Sorry about your situation.

He's seeing a psychiatrist but refuses therapy. He takes meds Wellbutrin and Remeron. He just started this new tirade that he hates us all (parents &sibling)

Any way to be sure he is actually still taking the meds? If he has been taking them, as opposed to throwing them away, how long has he been on the current meds?

If he is indeed taking the meds, and it's been long enough to gain some benefit, perhaps some alternate meds need to be used.  Is your son allowing you to get info. directly from his psychiatrist, or is the only info. you get via your son?

The hope would be that he gains some benefit from a good med or combo of meds for him, and gains the ability to do some talk therapy and work on something like DBT skills.

He just started this new tirade that he hates us all (parents &sibling) we are against him and want to get him but he will make us pay. I've never been afraid but now I'm nervous.

Best to have a safety plan in place.  Take measures to not have weapons around and take threats seriously.  Maybe even have a way to lock your bedroom door at night.  Has he expressed any ways he might "make you pay"?  

[Nowisthetime1]

Hopeful,

Hey sorry you and your family are going through this. My soon to be ex wife won’t take meds and or get tx. Since your son is experiencing these outbursts I’d say ask a professional. Can he be admitted inpatient somewhere to help him?

[bhopeful]

He actually just had his meds switched. My mom recently passed she was doing hospice at home for the past 6 months and that triggered the last episode about month ago. He was taken to the hospital and they switched his meds. He does take his meds usually bc I watch him. He's visiting a friend now and was ok until Monday and then it started text after text.Saying we are so horrible,  we don't care about him and have to pay bc we made him like this. While my mom was alive he used to tell me how horrible I was that I wasn't there for him and only cared about my dying mother. He's my youngest and I've done everything I can think of to try to help him.He thinks that by having him see a psychiatrist I'm pawning him off bc I can't be bothered. I read online that Remeron can make patients angry.Is that true? I would love advice on how to get him to do therapy. When he's not having episodes he's amazing kind, helpful and so loving. It breaks my heart to see my child struggle and I can't stop his pain.

[Naughty Nibbler]

I'm so very sorry about the loss of your mom.  That must have been a tough situation for you.  Stressful life events can prompt some severe emotional dysregulation. Sounds like that might have brought on the most recent problems with your son.

His psychiatrist is likely prescribing what's in his best interest.  Most of these types of meds can take a month to gain noticeable benefit.  Actually, I read that Remeron is noted for it's sedative effects.  Most meds have a long list of possible side effects (even over the counter meds) Sometimes, after some benefit is gained from meds, a person can be more receptive to talk therapy.

What are you doing to take care of your own anxiety and mental health right now?  By managing your own anxiety and well being, you are better equipped to help your son. Sometimes, multiple meds need to be tried to get an optimum result.  Are you able to speak to your son's psychiatrist, or do confidentially laws prohibit it?

There are a lot of great communication strategies here to learn.  Check out the educational threads, at the top of the list of posts.  Also, if you go to the large green band towards the top of the page and find the "Tools" menu, you will find information about "Validation/Don't Invalidate".  That's a good strategy to master.  It deals with validating feelings or minimally NOT invalidating by word, expression or body language.  You don't want to validate any invalid facts, but acknowledging feelings can be helpful.

[Nowisthetime1]

BHopeful,

That sucks about your mother. I wish you and your family the emotional strength necessary to get through this. It’s good your son will take meds with some level of consistency. That’s a major plus.

As the Naughty Nibbler said be sure to look after you despite all this going on.