How to Set Boundaries

[Ribzmom]

New here and hoping to get support as well as ideas of what can work. My 21 yo AD literally sits in her room all day and watches TV.  She claims her anxiety is so intense she cannot work and she has chronic pain.  I have spent thousands of dollars and everything comes out normal.  I am the enemy and she calls me vile names when I say ANYTHING that she perceives as "pressuring her" to see a psychiatrist or get a part time job (she loves animals).   I am divorced and my former spouse was very cold and abusive towards her; he also abused me.  So, I limit my interaction with him but financially I need him to contribute.  We do not have court ordered child support because she is an adult, although she received SSI because of her mental health.  I am a licensed therapist myself and try to use DBT with her but nothing is working.  I am at the point where I am thinking about moving to another state and not allowing her to come with me. Would love to hear what HAS worked for others.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi and Welcome,
  You can click onto mine/ anyone's names here to get their backstory by reading their previous posts.  As a single parent myself, I just had to let go of any expectation of my adult son's Dad being of any help.  Maybe for your own mental health you need to let that idea go of the Father stepping up.  I am sorry. 
 
First of all, it will help to lower expectations on what "worked" means.  If your daughter is in a state of stasis, it may help to think of some boundaries ( ones that you can enforce and not back down from).  For something to change , something has to change, and that usually means the least sickest person in the relationship has to make a move.
Moving to another state is certainly an option, but only if that is what you truly want to do , not being used as a method of running away or finding the "geographical cure" ( aka, making a fresh start.).   Are you thinking of moving to establish the ultimate boundary of removing the home  since you feel you can't remove her?
Think about what it is YOU need for your life with the knowledge that you are as important as she is.  Your needs and wants are just as valid as hers.  Maybe start there and see what boundaries you need to have in place.  For example would a timeline work with your daughter?  By such and such date she should__________( get therapy/ get a job, etc) .  If that doesn't happen then___________.  What can YOU live with ?  Can she start working as a volunteer at the animal shelter ( since she loves animals).  No , that doesn't bring $$ in, but it may be an interest / get her out of the house for a few hours.   And it's something small. 

Would your daughter be amenable to talking to the crisis team on the phone at least?  I had to trick my adult son into getting him to talk to them ( I played off his illness and paranoia by telling him if he doesn't trust me , he needs to call the crisis center).  I don't know , maybe someone else besides Mom would make an impression on her as you are probably too close to the situation / her.