Broken trust

[endthestigma]

My daughter has a long history of lying. I have always felt the need to cover for her which means her lies become my lies and/or ugly secrets I carry. This has made me sick over time. I feel like my values have slowly eroded and I know longer resemble the person I used to be. Recently I discovered a big lie she has perpetrated upon me. I exploded. It has just broken me. Now she wants to start family counseling. I just want a break from her. I no longer trust her. I am torn between taking care of myself and continuing to take care of her. She is nearly 30yrs old. She is newly married. I worry if I cut contact for awhile she might harm herself. It’s this worry that has kept me front and center during all her drama.

Have any of you stepped back from your adult child with BPD?  If so, do you have any advice for me. Did it help you?  Did you live to regret it? Feel free to ask me any questions. I know I haven’t explained in great detail.  I am seeing my own counselor. Just began again after a long hiatus. She advised against family counseling due to my daughter’s age. She felt it wouldn’t be beneficial.

 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Hi
We can relate.  The good news is you are in your own therapy .   when you have time you can click on my name ( or anyone's) to get previous posts / stories.   I have had to step back from my adult child due to his physical aggression towards me.   In my case it helped save me from a life threatening sitch. 

The important thing to realize is you have as much rights as your ill daughter does.  If you feel you need space then you take that space.  You can work with your therapist on how to talk to your daughter about this break . 
It doesn't have to be permanent.  Maybe a month or 3.  Whatever you feel you need.  You do indeed need to take care of yourself first.  In the book Stop Walking on Eggshells, that is what the first chapter is about. 

Family counseling- listen to your therapist on that one.  A lot of times family counseling winds up being a rage fest where the adult BPD vents and vents , throwing you under the bus and there is no room for anyone else to get in a word edgewise. 
Be ok knowing that you are obligated to put yourself first  and that you don't have to be held mental hostage of fear of what she might do.  You have no control over her.  That is a hard one, but true.  We have absolutely no control over our adult kids.  I was hell bent on saving my adult son to the point where it became life threatening and I had no choice but to let go.